The Campos Craziness

Thankful Thoughts

2011-11-22T18:06:00.000-08:00

I have thought over and over again about this post. In fact this isn't even the post I want to write, but I figured since Thursday is Thanksgiving, there is a lot I have to be thankful for. I have decided I am most thankful for my family, which was clearly heavenly sent. I have a mother and father who are loving, a brother who cares and is willing to give all he has to help someone in need (what an example he is). My husband, how did I get so lucky? He truly is my best friend.

I also am grateful for my two kids. Bradley is the most sweet and kind three year old. I watch my neighbor's daughter and if I can't get to her right away, he is there and telling her it's ok and I'm going to be right there. He found a picture of me in my early twenties tonight. He said, "It's mommy!" When I look at it, I see the difference years have made. Bradley didn't care. I told him he could have it and he decided where to hang it in his room.

Sweet little Amelia. How could I not be thankful for her. I had no idea having a little girl would be so much fun. Already she loves to dress up and play. She's great at sharing and gets into cuddly moments. My favorite is her "surprised" face. So much a favorite that we made it one of our pictures to put in our Christmas cards.

Growing up I always wanted a sister. I have been very close to some and have some of the best friends in the world. This past year I honestly feel like I have a sister and I am so grateful for this woman in my life. I have never thought of someone as a sister like I do her. She tells me when I'm wrong and she tells me when I'm right and one day I will write a post about her, but needless to say this woman is an inspiration to me, a motivation and family. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I won't reveal her name, and maybe she knows who she is and maybe not. Regardless to this woman all I can say is thank you for being my sister!

A Child of God

2011-11-08T14:04:00.001-08:00

For those of you who do not know, I love to pray. I pray a lot. I always have a prayer in my heart, I pray before I go to sleep, I pray throughout the day. I definitely need to work on praying when I first wake up in the morning, but typically I'm getting mauled by my son or Amelia is crying and I'm going to her.

My son is a very inspirational little boy. He has learned to pray on his own and has had my husband and I pray before meals on his own accord. After our bedtime routine Bradley and I pray together. Last night my husband (who is Atheist) decided to kneel by the bed with us. I asked Bradley who he wanted to say the prayer.

"Daddy."

"Ummm...Daddy doesn't do the prayer thing," Chris confessed.

Bradley then sat up in his bed and got face to face, more like nose to nose, with Chris and said, "You say it Daddy."

So Chris prayed. It was simple and childlike, but Bradley was very pleased. Later I thanked my husband for participating when he didn't have to. He said he didn't mind and Bradley made him laugh. I hope for more nights where Chris will listen to our prayers or will say one. It brings a whole new element of attractiveness to him.

Bradley is a very inspired little boy. He knows when to pray, he enjoys church and he LOVES reading my scriptures, which really involves him opening them up and saying, "WOW!" He will do this page by page. I am so fortunate to have a three year old who is so close to our Heavenly Father and LISTENS to him.

The veil between children, especially little children, is thinner then what it is for us and for that reason I am eternally grateful. When I say veil, I mean before we came to this earth we lived with our Father in Heaven in what was called the pre-mortal existence. We chose to come to this earth to be tried, tested, gain bodies and become more like Him. When we came to this earth, a veil was placed over us and we don't remember our pre-mortal existence. You can learn more about it and why we are on this earth here. Because of this knowledge I KNOW I am a child of God and He loves me. He loves each and every one of us.

Many people feel or believe that you cannot get answers to prayers, but that is not the case. Prayers are answered. We are all children of Heavenly Father and he hears our prayers. He loves us and he wants to help us, we just have to let Him in. I get answers to my prayers all the time, it may not be the answer I want but it is an answer, which in turn encourages me to pray more. We just have to be open and listen to that still small voice.

Trick or Treat?

2011-11-02T17:02:00.000-07:00

Halloween is a favorite of ours. This year Bradley chose to be Buzz Lightyear and Amelia was a lamb. I can't believe it's her first Halloween! It feels like she should have already had one under her belt but it wasn't the case.

Every year at our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you can find out more about what we believe here. Anyway in the Rome Ward, it is tradition that there is a trunk or treat. It's when everyone decorates the trunks of their vehicles and distributes candy to the kids that come. I have no idea if other wards/branches do it but Rome does. This happens to be Chris's favorite event, other then the occasional pot luck he attends. Chris is atheist so to have him attend any sort of church function is a BIG deal. I LOVE he is so supportive of our little family and participates in things that are important to us.

Anyway we decorated our trunk and sure enough we got hit with our small group of children, over and over again until all the candy was gone or nearly so. We also got hit with the camera. I knew I should have worn make up but ran out of time to throw something on. Prior to the Trunk or Treat there was a mummy wrap, donut eating contest, cookie decorating, sack races and an egg race, as well as a "fishing" game.

Neither Bradley nor Amelia made it home without falling asleep. We ended up letting them sleep in their costumes, minus the head gear. Chris woke up with Amelia in the middle of the night and left with a smile on his face because she was "a little lamb chop, sleeping in her bed."

The day following the Trunk or Treat, Bradley had a Halloween party at his preschool. The kids all gathered together for a group picture, then headed out of the classroom for a "parade" throughout the building. Bradley LOVES attending school and he has a great class.

Bradley is in the front row here. Bradley did tell me, while wearing the costume that he was Buzz Lightyear. When I asked where Bradley was, he said, "Bradley's over there," as he pointed to a random wall in our house. Let's just say he likes to be "in character" this Halloween season.

This is my proud little man walking in the parade at school. Such a happy kid and he came home with A LOT of treats that day.

Halloween night was my favorite. We were going to do trick or treating for our family home evening but Chris sprained his ankle so it was all up to me. I had both kids and a stroller. We went to my cousin's housing development and enjoyed the nice little walk. EVERY driveway we left Bradley and I yelled, "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!" Amelia kept pulling off her head gear, but turns out it kept covering her eyes. Once we realized this, she was fine with it. It was the PERFECT night to go trick or treating, it was warm and just a joy with my kids. I love my little family so much. I am very fortunate to have two great kids and a wonderful husband. I couldn't ask for a better family.

Jacob's Journey

2011-10-14T06:52:00.000-07:00

Words cannot describe what I felt the morning I heard the news. I woke up, laid in bed, reached for my iPhone and checked my email. I started deleting spam and saw a message from Sara Woodward, my dear friend and roommate from Snow College. She entitled the subject: Jacob. I knew it had to be good. Her message was simple, only a few sentences.

"For those of you who don't know yet or haven't heard, our Jacob was diagnosed with leukemia this last weekend."

My heart felt heavy as I read the sentence over and over again. Tears welled in my eyes. The next sentence is what probably surprised me the most.

"If you have to pick your cancer, this is the one to pick. It has an overall survival rate of 95% We are just facing over 3 years of Chemotherapy."

Optimistic. The best kind to get. Of course she would look at the glass as half full, she always did.

"We stayed in the hospital for 5 days and we're home now. We started a blog to try and keep everyone up to date. It's not totally up to date yet (sorry about that) but it's coming."

Five days. This is just the beginning and already five days! And she's apologizing to us for not keeping us up to date. Of course we want to know but to apologize to us! I was set back, astonished, couldn't talk.

"Thank you for all of your love and prayers. I can not tell you what that means to us.
We love you,
~Sara Woodward"

Gratitude. Of course I would pray! It's the least I could do.

I read the email over and over again. I cried in my bed thinking of her family and her sweet Jacob. He's the oldest of three, yet still so very young.

I have been asked recently about my birthday and what I would like and honestly I would like everyone to donate to Sara's family. Even with their insurance it will still cost them nearly $20,000 out of pocket. If you cannot afford to make any monetary donation please make a card, send a card, write a letter, draw a picture or just say well wishes. Pray. Everyone please pray. Honestly rather then writing on my facebook page, "Happy Birthday," send her and her husband a message on facebook. This is what I want and this is what they need.

In Sara's email she did include the blog for her son. Please read it by clicking here, it's called Jacob's Journey. I encourage all of you to read it from the beginning.

When I lived in Utah, Sara and her family took me in for Christmas when I decided I wasn't going home. They treated me as their own and were SO very kind. Please help me to pay their favor forward to them.

In the blog you will read, when Sara listened to the team of doctors they said she would be in for a marathon. Her response was, "I always wanted to run a marathon." Follow Jacob's Journey and run this marathon with them. Please I beg you, help them.

Hurry Up and Wait

2011-09-29T18:43:00.000-07:00

The slogan of the military, most don't know unless you have been in it. Honestly no one can understand that grueling task unless you've experienced it. As a spouse it was frustrating, even more so when you are dealing with it.

Recently I've noticed myself pushing Bradley. "Hurry up." "Get your shoes." "Let's go." The list can go on and on. Tonight I listened to my husband, "Bradley, hurry up let's brush your teeth." "Bradley, hurry up clean your room." "Bradley hurry up and finish reading the page, we have an entire book."

I have recognized myself hurrying my son along a few times here and there but it didn't hit me until I listened to my husband talk to Bradley. He's only three and will be out on his own in what will seem like a short time, according to seasoned parents. It seems like yesterday he was born. Three years have gone by so quickly and I don't want to hurry up. I want to enjoy my kids, now if I could just get them to age a little slower.

To Can or Not to Can...

2011-09-14T17:15:00.000-07:00

That is the question.

Labor Day I learned how to can from a good friend of mine, Ginny. I told her I wanted to can salsa and sure enough she needed to can some. She had fresh cut tomatoes in a large bowl, I cut up peppers and her daughter diced onion. She told me the ins and outs of canning and what we needed to do. The particulars of cleaning the rims and when things aren't done properly how the jars will break in your water bath. She taught me how to listen for the water to boil a room away. Then when it was all said and done, it was to wait...until you heard the "pop." It is the most wonderful noise to anyone who cans. It means you sealed your product and it will be good to store for months.

Ginny's salsa is to die for and five hours after arriving I was leaving with my very own jar, I helped make. In fact as I am typing I am eating it now. It's delicious.

After much discussion with my husband we decided I should try it on my own. Today was my first adventure. I LOVE it and I made my secret salsa recipe. I was sweating it out, wondering if I got out the air bubbles, if my jars would break, if they would seal....sure enough it happened. Pop, pop, pop. They sealed! I now have six large jars of salsa! I am ecstatic. Imagine the amount of money we are going to save, how much money we have already saved! By canning my own salsa today I saved about $30 in the long run. My husband wants me to can jellies and jams next. I want to try apples for baking and apple sauce. I can't wait. I want to go apple picking tomorrow and pick pounds upon pounds of apples. I want to make gifts for friends and show them my new talent.

Most importantly the person I'd first give anything to would be Ginny, the beautiful, sweet friend who taught me.

Put Your Toys Away

2011-09-08T17:22:00.000-07:00

In Rome we live by railroad tracks. Oftentimes at night we hear them blow their horn or toot their whistle. Chris and I have come quite aware of a steamy vs a diesel based off Bradley's favorite television shows (Thomas, Chuggington and some new movie we found on demand).

Recently one night Chris heard the toot of a whistle. The next morning he informed me we had a steamy chug by. Sometimes the blows from diesels wake Bradley up on tears. We just tell him it's Thomas saying hi (even though he was a Steam Engine).

Near Chris's office there is a small number of trains parked. My favorite is a dark green and black one, written in yellow is the word "Adirondack." I'm sure there is something else written on there too but Adirondack is the only prominent thing I can remember. She is very shiny and clean, unlike the others. I told Bradley we needed to name this engine so we did, "Addy." I didn't think he would remember but yesterday we drove by her and he said, "Look, Mommy, it's Addy." Oh I love the childhood memories we are building.

As a fan of trains we have the Thomas and Friends Wooden Railway for Bradley. We find the engines all over the place, no matter how hard we try to contain them. Constantly we are telling him to put his trains away or doing so when he's not paying attention. Bradley can literally play with these trains for hours. He loves books about trains, playing with them, he recently got a train that blows bubbles for his birthday. It's a fantastic gift for a fascinated child, a rather annoying one for a parent because you are unable to turn off the sound, at least that we know of. Regardless he loves it and the baby does too. The wonder in their eyes and imagination that projects is amazing.

Today I was driving in Utica and saw railroad tracks along the way. There were baggage cars sitting on the side. They've been there for an awfully long time. I notice I see these cars lying around and all I can think is put your toys away, shouldn't they be somewhere else? I'm not sure why cars are out in random places but they look out of place where they rest other then to amuse the eyes and imagination of my precious three year old.

All Things Happen for a Reason

2011-07-26T12:11:00.001-07:00

I had been debating for quite sometime about writing this post.

Back in March of this year I was on my way to visit some friends for a girls night out/surprise baby shower. Needless to say I never made it. My vehicle was hit by a car who was speeding, lost control of the vehicle and hit the back left side of my Escape causing me to roll it on a two lane highway (that's two lanes going in the same direction...then a median and two other lanes in the opposite direction). I ended up in his lane.

I couldn't even tell you if I was facing the correct direction or not. My vehicle was upside down and I crawled out of it. It was like a movie how all the noises were in the background and I felt alone, there was nothing left but my thoughts.

Since the accident, I have had a minimum of two doctors appointments a week. I am still in pain and I have an extremely hard time driving. I find myself screaming when vehicles are coming near me at times, when vehicles are coming to or near a stop on side streets (that seems to be the worst right now). I have nightmares.

This accident has effected everything in my life from sex to finances to me not being able to play with my children like I would like to. It's painful to do laundry, hold a phone to my ear, drive (physically, mentally and emotionally), I've had running and exercise (other then walking and maybe a recumbant bike) taken away from me. I just want my life back.

Recently I found the following picture from a news station of my vehicle and apparently there was footage of the aftermath of the accident. I had no clue there was a camera crew there until the weekend before last. I imagine it's when I was whisked into the ambulance.

I do believe all things happen for a reason. I'm know I'm lucky to be alive and it really angers me when people tell me that but I hold it in and smile. I am grateful I am alive and I have my family. My kids and husband mean the world to me. I'm still waiting on the reason why this happened to me, but I'm grateful it wasn't someone else who is hurt and dealing with these issues because they are horrible.

I know Heavenly Father watches over me and I am so grateful. I couldn't imagine life without my faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and the Gift of the Holy Ghost.

Problems

2011-07-12T12:19:00.000-07:00

So I've tried several times to update my blog and for whatever reason it's not doing so.....hopefully soon I will and there will be a nice photo post or something. Until then....it's just this quick message.

Birth Announcement

2010-12-25T16:32:00.001-08:00

Snow Angel Birth Announcement

Send cute birth announcements with Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Tis the Season

2010-11-27T19:40:00.000-08:00

I LOVE Christmas! It is by far my favorite holiday and in fact I decorated my tree and everything before Thanksgiving this year. All presents, except the ones that need to be exchanged are wrapped (and one other present). Rumor has it Santa Clause wrapped his presents too.

I just can't shake the Christmas feeling around here. I LOVE it! Now if our little Christmas baby would come, it would be great. Amelia is due December 6th.....we thought she would honestly be here two weeks ago and at one point we thought before then, based off what doctors said...now I only have two days before I'm 39 weeks...this is the longest I've been pregnant.....I can't wait and I'm nervous at the same time. Our little princess is staying right in there!

Anyway when I was thinking about this blog it was something VERY different then what I wrote, but it clearly didn't happen. I'll blame pregnancy brain, plus writer's block from not writing in awhile......oh well. Hopefully I can think clearly again soon.

First Day of School

2010-10-05T13:44:00.001-07:00

Bradley went to his first day of nursery school today, he's too young for pre-school. He meets with his class Tuesdays and Thursdays from 12-1:30. Today was a little shorter because it was the first day for them. He absolutely loved it! Bradley had no separation anxiety and didn't even get his coat or back pack off before trying to run around the entire room to play.

Typically they ask the parents to stay outside the classroom because of the separation anxiety, but like I said, he did well and they said I could leave. I got to the car and cried a little. Then was confused what to do. So....I went home and cleaned a little.

When I got back to the classroom, there was five minutes left before class ended. I peeked through the little window and saw Bradley running around and laughing. They had a little tunnel set up and the kids would crawl from one teacher at one end (Ms. Alguire) to the teacher at the other end (Ms. Barker). Bradley could hardly wait until his turn. He'd go in one end and crawl out the other laughing and giggling to get back in line for another turn.

At the end, they had all the kids sit together on the rug and then they opened the door for the parents. Bradley didn't even move until he saw me, just smiled for all the parents taking pictures. Once he saw me he got up and ran and giggled. Then he headed right out the door without his coat or back pack. We of course got it, put it on.

I turned to Bradley and asked if he had fun....his answer, "Yeah."

"Can you say thank you to your teachers?"

Bradley ran back to the door of the class room and yelled, "THANK YOU!" Waved bye bye and we left. He's been on cloud nine ever since.

A Big Belly

2010-10-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

Today I start my 8th month of pregnancy. We are naming our little girl Amelia (which means hard working). This pregnancy has been just that. Who knows what the coming weeks will bring right now, but the doctors think it's a possibility I may go into pre-term labor. We definitely had a scare yesterday and we'll see what happens. I'm only 31 weeks right now. If I can hold out for six more weeks that would be great.

People I don't expect to hear from have told me to slow down, but honestly I don't think I'm doing too much at all, regardless I've taken my list of 30-40 things I hope to accomplish in a day (I never do trust me on this one) and have cut it back to about 20. I have two callings in church, one is a very big one and the other not quite as large. Regardless I'm doing my best and have slowed down with that work as well.

In the meantime, I'm tired, trying to drink even more water then before and enjoying my toddler. He keeps a smile on my face and me on my toes. He loves his dog and is a good eater, inventor and overall just a good boy. He starts nursery school tomorrow and picked out his own folder for school (it's a Toy Story one). He's going to be a great big brother. I'm very proud of him. In the meantime, the rain has us watching more movies then I want and the chill in the air has the oven baking goodies. Even though it's difficult sometimes, I love this life! :)

Four Years

2010-07-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

Four years ago yesterday Chris and I got married. I cannot believe it's been that long, yet sometimes I look at the length and feel it should be much longer then four years. By no means is that in a negative way. I am very lucky to be married to him and our story is quite a different one indeed, saved for another time, when I'm more awake.

In those four years, Chris and I have faced challenges, tears both of joy and happiness as well as love and understanding, appreciation and comfort.

Our marriage we snuck off and got married by the Justice of the Peace. Chris picked the location and did all the work that goes along with it. All I had to do was show up. We didn't tell family and very few friends, in fact about a week after getting married, I sent out an email with a picture saying we said our "I do's." We didn't ever take a honey moon. A few days after getting married the Army shipped Chris off to a school. When he came back, we were supposed to take a quick weekend honeymoon to Niagara Falls. He came back with news the Army pushed his deployment date forward by nearly two weeks and he was leaving in four days for Iraq. I will never forget the day I dropped him off. He held onto his M4 Rifle and I kissed him goodbye. It was then I headed to my dad's office and couldn't even hold back the tears. He closed his office door and let me cry.

Our one year anniversary Chris was in Iraq. I knew he was going to get extended by a few months but he didn't believe it. Turns out I was right. I completed military training that summer and anxious for him to come home. I was very nervous when he did come home that he would no longer like me or we'd be too different and I stayed faithful for nothing.

Our second anniversary I was pregnant with our son. Less then a month lady our little bundle of joy was born. We struggled through the first part of that pregnancy and it tested our marriage. We cried at times, yelled at others but in the end came home with a beautiful little boy that would forever change our lives and make us smile. We also bought our first house that year and I graduated with my BA in Creative Writing.

The third anniversary was much different then the first two. We suffered a miscarriage earlier that year and debated over when to try again for another baby. Our son was nearly a year old and learning to walk and testing our patience.

Now the fourth anniversary is better yet. Chris and I are going to have a little girl in December. Our son has grown into his terrible two's a few months early. He is potty training. We moved from Oswego to Rome, NY. We rented out our house. Chris has a very secure job working for a company contracted by the government and has graduated with his BA in Information Science. I stay at home with our son.

When I look back at where we were to where we are now it's astonishing. We went from a couple struggling together to a beautiful and very happy family. I love my life, I love my life with my husband and more then anything I love that man who has supported me through thick and thin. There is no one here I'd rather spend eternities with then my husband, the goofy, funny, caring, honest and hard working Christopher Campos. I love him.

Teaching With Love

2010-07-21T07:50:00.000-07:00

I have recently prayed, read and think I know how to address the situation at hand. It is to "Teach with Love."

When I joined the LDS church (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), I was persecuted to a great extent. It was a very difficult challenge in my life, yet made me a strong person. There was a time when I left the church but decided that wasn't for me. Now I'm back into it and have a new perspective. I have realized my challenge is I still get persecuted. I'm finding there are little side comments about how "Mormons" are. I ask for those of you who don't know, ask. When I say ask, I mean ask someone who knows. For instance, don't tell me how a Mormon is if you aren't one. I've been a member of this church for ten years. I'll gladly tell you or show you by my example what it means to be a member of this church. Please don't assume you know because you read something online. I can promise you not everything you read online is true.

This is what I know to be true....making fun of someone for their religious beliefs may be fun for you at the time, but consider the feelings of that person you are talking about. I don't like someone making fun of what I believe and I have made it my personal goal not to make fun of other beliefs. It's sad in this day and age, the choice one makes NOT to drink, smoke, do drugs is considered bad in some sort of way. I dress modestly. I like to dress modestly and honestly the only person who should see me immodest is my husband. My body is for him to look at during our intimate moments. My body is sacred. I believe families are forever, not for time on Earth. I don't believe not having your infant baptized will leave them in some limbo state. We are not responsible for other people's sins. That would make God unjust. I do believe in baptism, but baptism by immersion in water, when we are at an accountable age. I know there is a living prophet here on Earth today, guiding us and leading us in the correct direction. Mormons do NOT practice polygamy. Yes WAY back in the beginning of the church history they did, but no longer do so and haven't for many many years. Mormons do like to have fun but feel like alcohol isn't needed in order to do so.

Please don't assume. If you have questions I'd be happy to answer them for you or set you up with a meeting with someone who can answer your questions. Finally if ever in doubt please check out this website set out by the LDS Church, Mormon.org. It is there to answer any questions you may have. Thank you and I do love you, I just ask you please consider how others may feel when you speak harshly about something very important to them. Remember "Teach with Love."

The List Updates

2010-07-16T16:07:00.001-07:00

Once we get to summer, it's close to Bradley's birthday....I can't believe my little boy is going to be two in August! On top of all that, he has a little sister on the way. As corny as it may be I have updated our wish lists.

For Bradley we are focusing on Thomas the Train. He LOVES trains and we decided we'd collect the wooden railway set. It's a little more expensive but a lot more durable. Plus we plan on keeping it for years to come. People always ask what to get Bradley so I'm sending the list with his birthday invites this year.

Chris didn't want to update his much at all, except to add a new gift card and Ford Taurus (yes the real thing and not a toy).

Me. It's pretty much the same. I just added a few things here like towels but other then that I'm all set. Honestly a pedicure would be fantastic.

The newest addition is, well our newest addition to be....Amelia! She's due in December. So I added the things from her baby registry we started and found some toys she may want to play with throughout the year. I'm registered at Burlington Coat Factory and soon I'll be registered at Babies R Us.....check it out if you want. I LOVE the nursery theme, it's registered through Burlington Coat Factory.

Anyway that's it for us! Updated lists and as I buy for birthday's and Christmas I'll continue to update. :)

A Wonderful Day With My Little Shrimp

2010-07-14T18:04:00.000-07:00

I absolutely LOVE my new ward I'm in. Not only are there mostly boys Bradley's age in nursery, but the moms all want to hang out. I took the initiative last week and gave out magnets with our info on them for play dates (I've had these magnets made since June just didn't hand them out). Anyway, some of the moms were taking their kids blueberry picking today. Needless to say, I agreed, although as a child I didn't like it very much.

The ladies met at 8am....and started picking. Of course those who know me well know this didn't happen with me....Bradley and I showed up around 8:45. Bradley was good at it in the beginning but then saw a wagon and dropped his little basket, ran over to the wagon (while stepping on his blueberries) and played. He ran up and down the rows of bushes. He even would come over and start munching on my blueberries in the bucket. He had a blast. He was covered in dirt, mud and of course blueberries. The best part, the oldest child was not even three yet. It all worked out perfectly.

I filled my bucket about three quarters of the way and then we headed off to pay. I ended up with about fourteen to fifteen cups of blueberries and only paid $7! Talk about excited. I can't wait to go back. While leaving, if we saw a good bush, which we of course stopped and added it to our bucket as well. Let me clarify....I added to my bucket and Bradley added it to his mouth.

After picking blueberries, we came home and ate lunch. When that was over Bradley and I worked on writing letters (which is him scribbling, which is fine). We also worked with a two year old book on tracing. Then we colored. He was so excited about all of this.

Finally we both laid down for a nap. It was wonderful. I had to set my alarm though because we weren't close to ending our day. Bradley and I headed to swimming lessons at the Y. He's in the shrimp class. He loved jumping in the pool, blowing bubbles in the water, dunking his head in the water and just getting out that energy my almost two year old has. His teacher was quite impressed with him. When she watched him go under water, he was smiling before, during and afterward. I talked to the teacher how Bradley still remembers from last year how to kick, etc. I said Chris and I wanted to let him try on his own but we are scared to let go. She had us put a little flotation device on him, which is strapped to his back. We did it and let go....HE CAN SWIM! He laughs, talks, everything while doing it. He KNOWS to keep his head up. I'm so proud of my little shrimp. He now has the beginning of a life lesson that could literally save his life one day. He's so cute at swimming. Once he kept kicking and ended up swimming in a circle. His teacher was extremely excited and if you can't tell, I am too. I can't wait to show daddy what his little boy can do.

After swimming we came home, ate dinner then off we went again. We headed to my cousin's house to feed and take care of her dog (she's out of town right now). Bradley played with Sherman (her beagle). He fed him some cheese and then tried to give him his dog food. Then it was off to get daddy a Frosty....he was working late tonight and we wanted to give him a treat. Finally it was home, brush Bradley's teeth then off to bed. What a busy day but very eventful and very entertaining.

As for tomorrow it's the zoo with our new friends! Until then, it's picking up the house and doing dishes, all of it well worth it for a day like today.

EUREKA!

2010-07-13T20:05:00.000-07:00

I think I finally figured it out this week.....while giving Bradley a bath, I clean him, then let him play, during that time I can....read my scriptures, prepare my lesson (what I can while sitting on the bathroom toilet making sure my little man doesn't slip), read magazines, whatever the case.

To make matters better, while getting Bradley to sleep (typically an hour process), I can do the same. You see Bradley has had a very difficult time falling asleep since we've moved. Partially my fault, partially Chris's fault and partially Bradley. Anyway we started out sitting next to his bed and slowly have moved a chair farther and farther away. Now we are out in the hall, next to his door. If I turn on my bedroom light I have enough light to read, etc. Let me tell you I feel fulfilled!

If I keep my chores to Monday and work really hard, then several times a week I have peace and quiet (with no anxiety) about reading, doing extras and the list can go on. I worked very hard this past Monday and the Monday's before and finally, other then daily up keep, I'm enjoying extra time with Bradley and to myself. I already feel well prepared for Sunday's lesson (other then typing out my notes), I have done extra reading from a manual to help with teaching, I've worked with Bradley on letters, worked on an educational book for two year olds and tracing, Bradley and I colored today, played outside, took naps, I read leisurely (not once but twice). I honestly feel WONDERFUL! So far I have a plan....tomorrow if the weather is decent we are going blueberry picking (thanks to some great girls from church who invited me this evening). I am thrilled.

I know this plan will change when my little girl comes into this world but for now she's still baking in my belly, but until then.....I feel better, I have a place and I'm doing something productive other then the usual cleaning, errands and feeling like a robot. :)

And.....

2010-06-28T15:34:00.000-07:00

IT'S A GIRL!

And....my placenta previa is gone....

But....I don't have enough water in the amniotic sac....so back on Wednesday to see if I was successful at getting it up. My guess is no because I've been very sick and haven't been able to keep up with the fluid/protein/eating task set forth by the doctor....

BUT...IT'S A GIRL! Her name is Amelia Claire and Bradley lifts my shirt and gives her kisses. He's so cute.

Pants?

2010-06-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

Chris asked me this evening, "What kind of pants are those?"

My response, "Maternity pants."

"Oh they're grumpy pants!"

Yes people I'm having a grumpy day today....my house is never clean enough or picked up enough. I hardly had a break. Chris might have a business trip coming up and I wonder if I'll ever get a pedicure again....oh the joys.

Just One of Those Days....

2010-06-06T13:34:00.000-07:00

Have you ever woken up and after about half an hour wish you were back in bed? That is me this Sunday. I saw the clouds through the curtains and remembered the forecast. Rain. Even though the clouds covered the sky with the nice cool breeze, perfect sleeping weather, I got up, took a shower and was thinking of my lesson I wanted to teach for Sunday School. I was prepared ahead of time so knew I had time to do some extras if I needed to.

I decided to make some handouts for my class and headed for the office. I was elated at how the handouts worked. All I needed to do was find the correct stock paper to print it on. While looking through a pile (that I was told is in the organized, uh I mean unorganized office) out of the corner of my eye I found a spider. Not only was it NOT a Daddy Long Legs but something that looked dreadful and dangerous in my mind. I quickly took a deep breath and dove into the pile of papers, hoping another one wouldn't pop up somewhere all the while thinking, it's for the gospel. Finally I found the correct stock paper that was not in the organized pile it should have been in but another random place, where if I had been the one to organize the office would have put it in that particular spot to begin with.

Relaxed I was ready to print.....I clicked the top little printer at the top of my screen only to find....nothing printing. What the heck? Of course my husband unplugged the printer so he could plug in his iPad and do some programming. After carefully plugging in the printer and trying to reprint I realized, the document was gone....vanished. In it's place was a new blank document....Document 4. My document was Document 3. I minimized everything and earnestly looked for my little handouts. They were no where to be found on the computer. Completely vanished. I took a deep breath and began to retype. The problem was fixed.

I thought I would organize my notes and thoughts better for my class....the problem with this is now the keyboard wasn't working. Really? This was absolutely driving me insane. I opened a new blank document and it began to work until I tried to put bullets in the document, then what would appear, but the document no longer working again. I closed the program and then waited for it to restart. Things were finally working out and I found another handout to give my students.

Now since this was done, I could head over to my scrap booking area and grab the specially designed scissors that would make cute little edges for my students' handouts. This was working great until in the middle of cutting one set of handouts, the scissors stopped working and something came unaligned. I'm the type of person who has to have everything the same, so I struggled an extra few minutes manipulating the scissors to work properly so I could have all the handouts look the same. As for the second handout they definitely had a different cut to them, which was planned anyway.

Finally I made myself a bagel with cream cheese, grabbed myself a vitamin water and was almost ready to head out the door, when I realized my "whities" were definitely the wrong ones to wear with my dress, therefore clinging to the Sunday dress and pulling up the skirt portion. After little debate I headed to the bedroom and changed my "whities" then everything seemed fine.

Chris and Bradley just left a few minutes prior in order to get some breakfast. It was wet out but that was it. With my half eaten bagel in hand and bottle of Vitamin Water I was ready, I was packed, I was organized. I opened the door, it was a down pour. I sighed but then folded my paper plate in half to protect my bagel, locked the door and headed for the truck. As soon as I got in the truck I realized my bagel was pouring water, not just a little. I was quite surprised at how much water kept gushing out of it onto the seat and me. That's when I realized it wasn't the bagel and rain, but the bagel, rain and vitamin water. The lid had fallen off. I sat in the Toyota Tacoma and took a deep breath along with a few bites of my bagel, ran back inside changed again then headed out for church looking like something the cat dragged in. Thank goodness I can laugh at my self and say, "It's just one of those days."

It's Been Awhile....A Long While

2010-05-19T12:46:00.001-07:00

Let's just say this pregnancy has already taken a toll on me. Not only have I moved to a new home, which I love, in Rome, NY but this baby is making me SICK! I do have energy in this first trimester which is unusual for me, until recently. I am now feeling a bit sleepy during the day. A few days after the move, I started to get very sick. It took all I had to make Bradley meals without getting sick. Finally, I called my doctor and thankfully they prescribed Zofran and I became functional again. Now that I am eleven weeks pregnant, I believe I am on day five without having to take medication to keep food down. I still feel sick, just not as bad. On top of feeling sick there were some complications in the beginning of the pregnancy that limited what I could and could not do.

So needless to say I'm starting to get back on my feet. I have a lot of catching up to do on many things, including continuing to unpack, class reunion stuff, blogs, other writing, playing with my son, entertaining friends again and working out. I'm excited to get back on the ball with things! Until then.....take a deep breath, smile and enjoy life.

The results.....

2010-03-30T06:01:00.000-07:00

It's official.......

The due date according to the Internet will be December 1st. I'm happy and scared and nervous of another miscarriage but I'm just going to take it one day at a time. :)

Ten Years

2010-03-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

This post was written by Renae, my best friend, a couple days ago. With her permission I've copied and posted it. I am mainly reposting it because a few people wrote how inspiring it was, both her side of the story and mine. We hope it helps those who need to hear it at this time in there life, or maybe those who will need to remember it later on.

With Lots of Love,
Jen and Renae

By the way Renae's blog address is: Renae Today.

TEN YEARS

On March 30th, Jason has a birthday. My birthday is April 9th. (Wish lists are updated.) But April 9th also commemorates another special anniversary. Exactly ten years ago, on April 9th, my bestest friend in the whole wide world, Jennifer Marie Florek, now Jennifer Marie Campos, was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It's crazy to think that just 10 years ago I was a senior in high school.
Her conversion story is amazing and crazy all at the same time. Missionaries had moved into town and she was asking questions. I invited her to church. The rest took off from there. To say her family was against her joining the church is the understatement of all time. They threatened to put a restraining order against me. Our whole town was involved. My mother could not go to the post office without being harassed. The day Jen was baptized, all of the local churches joined together in prayer to save Jen's soul. Those are just a few highlights.

After high school Jen went off to Snow College in Utah. I went to the University of Northern Colorado. On long weekends I would drive to Utah to visit for a weekend. One summer we got together in St. George, Utah and drove to Vegas for a day. After a couple years in Utah and Colorado, we both ended up back in New York for a summer. Then, I went back to CO, to live in CO Springs with friends, while she went off to Australia to be a nanny. That year, both of us received our endowments, her in New York, and I in Colorado. Somehow again, we both ended up in New York for the summer. Jen was engaged to a member of the church in Australia but was having problems getting back to be with him. I was on my way to Southern Virginia University to finish up my music degree.

Before I left for VA, it was official, Jen had decided to leave the church. To this day I can not express in words how I felt for the first few months after she made this decision. But, I did understand. Her family had never accepted her faith, in fact they had disowned her. The engagement to her fiance in Australia had been broken. Life stunk for her! It was too much.

Jen and I have been friends since middle school. We have known each other since second grade. Though the gospel was a HUGE part of our friendship, it wasn't everything. And so we continued to be the best of friends. Sometimes it was easier and sometimes it was much harder. There were times when I wouldn't here from her in a while. That was when I knew she was doing poorly and experiencing her own trials and hardships. Other times we'd talk several times a day with our Verizon wireless minutes about relationships etc...

In 2005 I met my husband. When he came to visit she was the first to meet him and loved him. She told him if he ever hurt me, she'd kill him. She will too! When we became engaged, she was to be my maid of honor. I'll admit that was a hard time in our friendship, especially when she wasn't able to be there for my special day, but that's okay. And again, I understood.

I believe it was that year that she decided to join the military. When she went to boot camp I remember receiving letters from her, mentioning that her roommate was a member. She started showing interest in the church again. I was so excited. But it didn't last long enough.

I came to visit New York for a week when I was pregnant with Owen. She showed up at my parents to announce that she had just been married to a GI heading off to Iraq. That was kind of a hard time too.

Jason and I moved to New York when Owen was a baby. I remember one day calling Jen, having a really bad PMS day, crying, and she came to visit for the first time. Our lives couldn't be more different at that point. I had a temple marriage, was a stay at home mom, while my husband worked. We owned a home, actually two at that point. She was attending school, struggling with her husband being in Iraq, and definitely not active in the church. I think both of us at that point were struggling to find what we had left in common to keep our friendship alive.

I would pray and plead with my Father in Heaven to help me be an example and the best friend I could be. Watching Jen struggle was really wearing on me and I didn't know what else I could do. To help me with my own personal grieving process, I made a scrapbook of our years together as friends. I presented a copy to her for Christmas and kept one for myself. That was my last and final effort and rekindling what was left of our amazing friendship. I felt I had done all I could do.

Then it happened. I became pregnant with Adam. I told Jen immediately. One week later, Jen called sobbing. She was pregnant. Her husband was not happy (another extreme understatement). It was definitely unplanned and she had been using birth control. Our due dates were the same. And so it went.

The pregnancy was definitely divine intervention. We had something in common again, although this was my second and her first. Phone conversations occurred at least once a day. I was able to attend her first ultrasound appointment with her. We shopped and planned, and were crazy moody pregnant women together. Of course she delivered Bradley a week earlier than Adam was born, but they weighed the same exact thing and were a half an inch difference in height.

During the pregnancy Jen started to think about the church again. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but was SO EXCITED! After Bradley was born, Jason blessed him. She attended Adam's blessing. Jen was attending church. Her bishop called her to Young Women's Presidency.

Then Jen suffered a miscarriage. It was horrible. There seemed to be no support for her, especially from ward members, visiting teachers, home teachers etc... I was kind of upset about that.

Eventually Jen returned to church again though. To some this may not seem like anything big, but believe me it is. Jen's husband is a not a member. He suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, amongst other things, mostly caused by his time spent at war serving our country. Her parents still are around and even though they are far more supportive than they have been in the past, church is still a cause of contention. Then there is Bradley. She takes him with her each week. He is a toddler now. Anyone who has ever gone to church with a toddler, knows that chances of getting anything out of your meetings is slim, just because of the wrestle to keep the toddler from melting down. There are definite times I wonder why Jason and I try to go to church each week for that very same reason.

Anyways, Jen is still going to church. And a few weeks ago she surprised the pants off of me and asked if I would go to the temple with her. I knew she had been working REALLY hard to become temple worthy again, but had no idea she was completely ready. Of course I said YES!

The closest temple to us (45 minutes away) is the Palmyra Temple. Because it's small, we have to have all of our own temple clothing and packet. I helped Jen order hers online, (which is much more difficult that it should be) and watched her track the package each day. Last week it came and...

Saturday we went to the temple together for an endowment session for the first time ever. I tear up just thinking about it. What an amazing day! I think I cried tears of joy and anticipation for two days leading up to the event. In the car on the way to the temple I cried again. TEN YEARS!!! I couldn't believe this day was finally here. To sit together in the celestial room with my best friend... The one person I had shared the gospel with so long ago... The person who knows me better than anyone else... The person who has shared every up and down with me since before I was a teenager... The person I hitch hiked in Vegas with... The person who's friendship with me has endured almost every up and down imaginable...

The experience was beyond words.

Jen is such an example to me. Now that she is active, just like before, she's one of the most amazing, stalwart, and worthy members of the church I have ever known. You add that to how amazing and wonderful she already is without the gospel and I think I am the luckiest person alive. She's a one of kind friend. I know Heavenly Father had a lot do with our friendship and obviously has helped things along the way. We both know there's no getting rid of each other!

I LOVE YOU JEN!

That's Renae today!

Saturday, April 10th

2010-03-22T06:13:00.000-07:00

I went to the temple last Saturday which was WONDERFUL! Now Saturday, April 10th I want to go again. Any takers? I'll make the appointment! The temple is closed for cleaning right now until April 5th, so I'll make the appointment as soon as I can. I'm hoping they will still be able to schedule them while it's being cleaned but if not then I'll call as soon as I can. The temple schedule is: 7:30, 9:15, 11:00am, 1:30 and 3:15pm. Let me know if you want to go!

Waiting Anxiously

2010-03-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

Well I am waiting patiently, that by the way is not true. I am waiting VERY impatiently for my package from LDS Distribution Services to arrive. It's been years since I've been to the temple and the fact of the matter is I can't wait to go. So why this package? I'm waiting on the rest of my ceremonial clothing to arrive. The Palmyra Temple does not rent ceremonial clothing. I've been checking the FedEx Shipping number everyday, several times a day. Currently it's in New Berlin, Wisconsin. The estimated delivery date is the 2oth of this month....I know that's only five more days but I keep hoping and anticipating it will come earlier then that. I'm like a little kid waiting for Christmas and well patience is supposed to be a virtue. I guess I need to work on it. Anyone up for a temple trip? I want to wear out that recommend!

Family History

2010-03-12T18:06:00.000-08:00

I have made a very important decision involving my family history....currently the decision is to work on it every Saturday during nap time (as long as nothing else is scheduled). I figure it would be a great start and then I can work on getting the names to the temple. I have not only my own family history to do but my husband's as well. This should be interesting and fun. Chris has shown a little interest in his geneology. We have the proper paperwork for this and now it's just moving forward with it. I'm excited to see what comes of it all. Wish me luck and hopefully I can be somewhat consistent at this compared to previous years.

And the Packing Starts

2010-03-11T07:58:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I was able to go through the attic and throw out the stuff we no longer needed, were using or just really didn't care enough about. There are a few things up there that still need to come down such as the baby bathtub and swing, plus our snowboards and a couple air conditioners and I think a garmet bag. Everything else is out of there and we are ready to move those to the new house. We have five boxes of stuff to throw out and ten boxes of stuff (mainly baby clothes and baby stuff) to take to the condo. I have all the boxes labeled what they are and where they need to go.

Now it's coming down to the basement. I'm hoping to get a start on that this week. In two weeks we get to move that stuff to the new house. It's exciting! It's definitely motivating to get it out of the house and into a new place. I already want it out of the hall. Needless to say both the truck and Escape will be filled on the first day.

I think the plan is attic (check - or mostly check), basement, then kitchen stuff we won't be using often (like the turkey roasting pan, etc.). After that I'm not sure what will be moved next....maybe some toys and stuff like that. I'm definitely motivated to get the stuff done and things taken care of. It's not happening soon enough at times. I guess that's where patience comes in.

Stay this Small Forever

2010-03-08T10:10:00.000-08:00

My father and I have always been close. When I was a little girl he used to push down on my head and say, "Can't you just stay this small forever. Don't get any bigger." Now that I have my own child I find myself thinking and saying that to him. Bradley is a lot of work and a lot of fun, but I look around and wonder where the last eighteen months have gone.

Yesterday at church I sat behind Brother Saunders. He looked at me and Bradley and mentioned how he had children that small once before. Now his youngest is in his forties. I told him he must have blinked and his children grew up. He agreed, that must have been it.

I am very fortunate to be a stay at home mom. I get to watch Bradley grow and develop new skills everyday. Now he sleeps in his big boy bed and whenever he deems it right, runs into our bedroom to wake us up. At six fifteen in the morning, it isn't something I tend to cherish but regardless it's just as precious.

Bradley is only eighteen months but it feels like I blinked once and he went from a newborn to a toddler running around the house and testing out every gadget he can get his hands on. Can't he just stay this small forever?

Those Glorious Heels

2010-03-05T06:13:00.001-08:00

What can I say other then I'm a girl that loves heels. Too bad they don't always make your feet feel as fabulous as your legs look in them. Heels tend to make your calves look wonderful. I am clearly a fan of them, but in between my dog eating my shoes (see the blog post Missing Shoes written in June of 2009) and running around with a toddler I don't wear them as much anymore. I'm sure if I had some that I loved, which I will soon again, I'd certainly wear them.

Heels really do make my legs look great and the best part is I feel attractive and more put together with them on. My husband is definitely a leg man and I like to look nice when I go out for him. Lately I want to look nice more for myself rather then anyone else. It's definitely a confidence booster. For instance, the other day I went grocery shopping and although I didn't look my finest, I got a very nice compliment on my jacket. It felt good.

My boost of confidence may have something to do with the weather change too. I swear I get depressed in the winter. I can't really go outside and whatnot. Now I'm running (trying to work on those legs) and the sun is shining. I LOVE being outside. I love taking walks and just plain enjoying the outdoors. I used to be outside all the time but now that I am married and have a little boy, it seems as though it doesn't ever happen nearly as much.

Anyway ladies, do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better. Take these red heels for instance, they are GORGEOUS! I believe these heels are from Ralph Lauren (not entirely sure, they aren't mine that's for sure - my dog would have eaten them if they were). The picture came off another blog called, Swedes Love Fashion. And from that blog, I want to leave you one thought on heels, "For some girls, high heel shoes is a status symbol. A few more inches of height for the petites, a fashion fad for the style conscious and a sex symbol for divas."

Enjoy your heels and gentlemen, compliment your loved ones, they need it.

Ahhhh the Blog

2010-03-04T17:08:00.000-08:00

I graduated with my BA in Creative Writing. Now I'm a stay at home mom and turns out don't have nearly as much time to blog as I thought. My husband is still in school, so I'm left home alone quite a bit. Right now actually he should be home but has to study at school. I'm proud of him and this, well leaves me very lonely. When Chris is home, oftentimes he's upstairs studying or whatever the case is. Any free time he has I try to consume it all, or as much as possible. I really miss my husband.

So what does any of this have to do with writing? The answer is, I feel like it's my only outreach for venting. I do call my best friend and vent to her more then anyone else, but right now she has three children ages three and under! YIKES! One or two nights a week I have an extra child to watch so I understand how busy it can get.

My writing skills are slipping rapidly. My dreams of publishing a book are still at large and every once in awhile I force myself to do it. Normally it's while watching "Thomas the Train" or "The Wiggles." Right now as I'm typing this it's "Handy Manny." I know it sounds like my child watches a lot of television and I honestly think he does. We do not watch it in the morning and only turn the TV on after nap time. He normally is up around 4:30. In the winter this is fine with me. Now that the weather is getter warmer and days are getting longer, I'm planning on cutting that back as well.

For the most part blogging is it. This is my writing. It's not nearly as creative as what it once was, before kids. I'm working on that. I normally just blog and hardly ever check for spelling or grammar. Sentence structure is not even a thought. Don't get me wrong, I want you to continue reading, it definitely is encouraging and I have a couple pieces I've worked on recently that will NOT be posted. One is an article for the church. I want to edit it and submit it to the church magazine. The second is a non fiction book, I finally feel like I have direction for it. Both are answered prayers. I've been praying for quite some time about those two. I've prayed for guidance and direction and it's starting to work out.

Blogging is keeping me going and I promise once I have more time, between packing, a toddler, moving, unpacking, establishing our life elsewhere and whatever else will come our way, I will be more creative in my blog entries. Until then....keep reading and I promise to those who have said my writing is an inspiration....just bare with me!

March Resolution Update

2010-03-03T06:15:00.000-08:00

1. Have my house picked up by bedtime - some days are better then others, but it's slowly becoming more consistent, except for the weekends.

2. Lose 15 pounds - I'm only at losing two pounds, but I'm working at it slowly. I'm starting to run again (as of today) and I have decided I'm giving up sugary desserts, candies, etc. until Easter.

3. Eat a healthier diet - I definitely need to work on this one a lot. But starting with getting rid of those desserts is a good starting place for now.

4. Be more consistent at writing (blogging, writing on my own time) - I am being much more consistent on this one.

5. Finish the second children’s story - Haven't even looked at it again....

6. Work on getting the first children’s story published - haven't looked at this one either.

7. Spend about two hours a week working out (trust me it’s better then what I’m doing now) - It's been hit or miss on this one, but I'm starting to train for a 5K this month so it should pick up.

8. Keep an active journal - I have one entry for February. Clearly no excuse other then not making the time to do it.

9. Be consistent at Family Home Evening - we are doing much better at this, mostly once a week, although this week we did not.

10. Complete the first five chapters of my non-fiction book - I now have direction and am working on Chapter One as of earlier this week.

11. Make my bed everyday (or most days….right now it’s rare) - Almost every day.

12. Build up food storage - It's building slowly.

13. Allow my husband to make more of his own decisions where he will face the consequences himself, but hope he will recognize many or most of the decisions he makes will have a direct impact on our family (meaning me and Bradley and himself of course) - this is going well....nothing too exciting going on here.

14. Potty Train Bradley - this is still on hold.

15. Write an article for the Church - I have found the inspiration and actually wrote the rough draft a few nights ago.

16. This one is new.....Read the entire Ensign every month - I have not been doing this but if I can read an article every night, I think it will work just fine.

Well that's it for now. We have decided to rent our house now and we found a condo in Rome to live in. We can start moving our stuff down there by the end of March. I'm excited. We know what things we are going to start moving right away, which is pretty much our attic stuff and our basement stuff. Wish us luck!

Back to Reality

2010-02-27T06:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was very blessed to have a little taste of a girls night out. I haven't had one in a very long time. Chris was having a guys weekend so I decided to invited a couple of my friends over. We decided to go out to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner at five. Chris said he would watch Bradley while I spent time with the girls. It was SO much fun. It was nice to sit and talk with no interruptions and have good girl gossip. I kept teasing them I had to live vicariously through them because I don't do anything anymore and I wanted to be more spontaneous like the old days (which is how I eloped then sent an email to my family that I got married).

Once dinner was done and the check was paid, I wanted to just sit in the restaurant and honestly didn't have the desire to go back home yet. Although I loved the hour long dinner with friends and a break from the baby I loved the company even more. I miss being my old self at times. I would never change my life with my family but I miss the carefree life. Now everything has to be planned from waking up in the morning to meals, church, activities and through bedtime.

I was telling the girls how I wanted to be spontaneous and one of them offered me an all expense paid trip to Orlando in about two weeks from now. In fact I would get paid while I was there. I jumped at the chance, but now that I have time to think about it I couldn't leave Bradley. I have never left him for more then a few hours. I don't think I would handle that well at all. We'll see if I follow through with it. I doubt it, it's kind of scary being spontaneous as a wife and mother.

Lonely. That's what my life has come down to. I have my family but my friends in Oswego have all left (seeing how it's a college town). My other friends still in Oswego are in college and into partying and living the college life. I'm not into that. My nearest friend with kids lives in Auburn. I have no friends from church, although a couple acquaintances. I go to MOPS and have a few acquaintances there and every once in awhile we will do a play date. I miss having friends and having company with my same interests over. I remember years ago my cousin, who is also a stay at home mom, told me she didn't have any friends because she was always home with her then toddlers. When we move we will live minutes from that cousin, whose kids are now in school. She is almost like my pillar of light and I know once Bradley is old enough to get involved in more things I will have friends once again.

Toddler Time

2010-02-24T18:40:00.001-08:00

So I've realized, I'm getting bored with the same old activities everyday with Bradley. I have been doing a little research and some things I remember from things I've read before kids (when I was a nanny) and beyond that. Hopefully they will give you ideas too. Bradley is only 18 months, but please share any story, idea or recommendation with me. These by the way are things I have not tried, but sound like a good idea.

1. Make a "parade" with stuffed animals, etc.

2. Act out a story from our favorite book

3. Have a picnic together (even in the living room)

4. Make a pillow pile to jump on

5. Make a super hero costume out of random things from the house

6. Plant a flower or vegetable together

7. Play dress up in mommy and daddy's clothes

8. Play red light green light

9. Toddler bowling with plastic bottles and a ball

10. Play tug of war with a blanket

11. Roll a tennis ball into an empty trash can or bin

12. Sketch your child with sidewalk chalk or on paper

13. Toss bean bags into a bucket

I was hoping to have a better number but as I was going through lists on different websites, I realize we've done many of them already.

The Pregnancy Kicker

2010-02-22T18:30:00.000-08:00

It's been seven months and Chris and I are still trying to conceive. I never imagined it would have been so hard to do. Since the miscarriage, almost a year ago, we have had our ups and downs. It is so frustrating. Every month when I am reminded of the child we didn't have it is sad and hard to go through.

Recently just about everyone around us is getting pregnant, either quickly or by chance. I am very happy for those people but am waiting for my turn. My husband has even noticed this.

The same things that people say over and over is getting old and tiresome. I always hear the, "It'll happen," "Don't think about it and it'll happen," "In the Lord's time," "Be patient" and so on. Although I love the support it's now come to the point that it's frustrating. I really am grateful but a couple days ago I found out another acquaintance was pregnant and a week before that someone else too. So when will it happen???

I'm flustered, angry and lately thinking about that baby we lost. I am grateful I don't have two children thirteen months apart but now the gap is getting larger and larger. I want to feel the baby kick in my belly and my belly to grow round. I loved being pregnant both times. The patience of that happening is harder then I thought, it is literally emotionally draining.

Potty Training

2010-02-17T15:47:00.001-08:00

Potty training probably takes more patience then I'm willing to admit. Bradley is definitely ready. He lets us know when he's gone poo poo and he even took his toilet seat today and put it on the toilet himself. I do have to admit that I haven't been as diligent with him on this as I should have been. When we are potty training I know I need to pay 100% of my attention to him, which is hard for me to do, there's always something else going on...dishes, laundry, picking up, etc.

Bradley was sick about a month ago with a flu that included diarrhea and we decided to hold off since then. Now that I'm feeling more ambitious this is what we are doing again. Every night after dinner we put on the underwear until he goes to the bathroom, weather in the toilet or in his pants. It's been about half and half with him, unless we are out of our element, like in Lake Placid, etc.

When Bradley does wet his pants, we have him help clean it up. We tell him it was an accident but he is not allowed to pee his pants, but sometimes accidents happen. So far this has been working well for us and I'm hoping this year he actually is trained. Let's keep our fingers crossed. Until then..

...this is what we ended up with today, right before we decided to try the potty. He really is a little comedian....

We love you Bradley and these will be great blackmail photos when you are a teenager!

The Love for My Little Man!

2010-02-12T10:35:00.000-08:00

I absolutely ADORE my little boy. He is almost 18 months now and is SOOOOO much fun. He keeps me in check and I do the same. Bradley loves learning and he loves music and singing. These are definitely a few of my favorite things about Bradley....

1. Every morning I get a very long morning hug

2. When he sleeps in his big boy bed he comes running to our room in the morning to wake us up and greet us with a big smile.

3. Bradley loves Ring Around the Rosie's ....a song I loved as a kid as well.

4. Whenever Bradley feels hurt or sad or sick he comes running to mommy to hold him.

5. Bradley loves helping in the kitchen with cooking, putting dishes away, doing dishes (even the ones that don't go in the dishwasher), emptying trash (he grabs shopping bags after we empty the trash and sticks one in the garbage, thinking he's helping.

6. Loves playing games like peek a boo, hide and seek. He will play by himself or with others. He LOVES people, kids, adults and all animals.

7. Loves coloring and learning. He's all about how things work and is intrigued by anything and everything.

8. He's very smart. If you take a spoon away, he'll reach for the fork (and then eat a ton of brownie batter when you aren't looking).

9. He loves stories. Sometimes he takes his favorite book (Where the Wild Things Are) and reads it to himself, while sitting on his little couch. My favorite is the is reading it upside down.

10. Most of all he is always smiling.

There is so much to love in that little boy I don't know what I'd do without him. I am very lucky to have a child like him. I love watching him grow, play, discover new things but most of all I love that I'm his mommy.

Ovulation Test

2010-02-09T12:39:00.000-08:00

Today while doing my daily routine and then grocery shopping, I had to stop at WalMart to pick up diapers, wipes and some cleaning supplies. I decided to head over to the "feminine needs" section and pick up an ovulation test, hoping this will help in our endeavors to conceive. We've been following an ovulation calculator online and trying to figure out when the best time to conceive is. We will be trying in the next few days, or so we thought. When I got home, I took the test and turns out I'm going to ovulate within the next 24-36 hours. My LH (Luteinizing Hormone) level is up now so we are moving our baby making a couple days earlier. Turns out if we had waited as planned we certainly would have missed the ovulation date and would once again have missed a pregnancy. This by no means makes me think it will be a for sure thing this month, but at least we know we didn't miss that small window of opportunity. Also, since the first test came back that yes I will be ovulating soon, I don't need to take another one until next month (the package came with seven tests), so I'm saving another $12. If by chance we don't get pregnant this month, we are looking into fertility treatment - not so say we will or won't go through with that, but it's an option. In the meantime, I'm learning a lot about fertility.

Trying to Conceive

2010-02-07T19:54:00.000-08:00

It's very frustrating but since August, Chris and I have been trying to conceive. We know it will happen in the Lord's time but regardless, it feels like it's taking forever. This process has been good for us though. I have learned a lot about my husband, myself, our son and the stresses of conceiving. The hardest thing I have found is I was able to get pregnant with Bradley while on birth control. I got pregnant really fast with the child I miscarried and for whatever reason this one is coming when it's appropriate. I am learning patience and it's all whenever the timing is right. So we wait and keep on trying, what else can we do?

February Resolution Update

2010-02-02T17:47:00.000-08:00

1. Have my house picked up by bedtime - some days are better then others. Chris just got a job so we've been out a lot looking for apartments and our house is getting lost in the mix. It's up for sale (not officially yet) so this one will definitely have to be implemented more.

2. Lose 15 pounds - I had lost around five pounds, then another three from a stomach bug....but I think I gained it all back.

3. Eat a healthier diet - I was doing great with this for about two weeks. Once that stomach bug hit, and I got better, I wanted to eat everything in sight and think I did.

4. Be more consistent at writing (blogging, writing on my own time) - I am definitely slacking on this.

5. Finish the second children’s story - Haven't even looked at it again....

6. Work on getting the first children’s story published - haven't looked at this one either.

7. Spend about two hours a week working out (trust me it’s better then what I’m doing now) - I'm lucky if I even do a fifteen minute workout in a week.

8. Keep an active journal - I have about three entries for January (although I did get it in mid January....). It is better then what I had before.

9. Be consistent at Family Home Evening - we are doing much better at this.

10. Complete the first five chapters of my non-fiction book - Haven't started it.

11. Make my bed everyday (or most days….right now it’s rare) - I'm doing much better at this. Almost every day.

12. Build up food storage - It's building slowly.

14. Potty Train Bradley - this has been on hold since Bradley had the flu.

15. Write an article for the Church - I have a little inspiration floating around.... :)

Well I definitely have a lot of work to do. But it's going to be a slow process, especially since we are moving and our house is up for sale. :)

A Christmas Story

2010-01-07T11:42:00.000-08:00

We were given a snow suit for Bradley from a close friend of ours. It fits him well, with the exception of the sleeves being a little too short. Don't worry, he has the next size for a snow suit from his Uncle Chad and he'll get that fairly soon.

It's always quite a challenge to get him in all his snow gear.

Once he's in it, he reminds us of the little brother from "A Christmas Story."

Sometimes Bradley gets so flustered with the snow suit that he'll give up and just lay on his back in the snow until someone comes to get him.

He's a funny little man and makes us laugh every day. :)

The Resolution

2009-12-30T11:27:00.000-08:00

This year the new years resolution will hopefully be quite simple, but of course difficult as always. For me this past year, I have realized it’s the little things that tend to escape me. I have decided that those will be those things I will work on this year.

1. Have my house picked up by bedtime

2. Lose 15 pounds

3. Eat a healthier diet

4. Be more consistent at writing (blogging, writing on my own time)

5. Finish the second children’s story

6. Work on getting the first children’s story published

7. Spend about two hours a week working out (trust me it’s better then what I’m doing now)

8. Keep an active journal

9. Be consistent at Family Home Evening

10. Complete the first five chapters of my non-fiction book

11. Make my bed everyday (or most days….right now it’s rare)

12. Build up food storage

14. Potty Train Bradley

15. Write an article for the Church

We’ll see what this year brings. I know there’s a lot going on and I’m sure my resolutions will come with some revisions but this is what I have feel and feel are my goals at this point….I’m hoping that at the beginning of every months we will be able to check up on the resolutions and see how far I’ve come and if I’m being consistent at doing them….This in no means replaces our family theme, which still remains the same….Hope.

Pillar of Hope

2009-12-26T08:21:00.000-08:00

With recent activity in life and the world around us, I have felt the need to hope. In the Book of Alma we read that we "hope for things that are not seen but true." Written years ago it applies to every day situations for most of us. Through this life and in the world today we tend to see a lot of turmoil, confusion, disgrace and poverty. On top of all of that the many important feelings and emotions vital to every day life there is an issue with or lack of love, faith, trust. For many people I feel it often leads to despair.

Why bring this up now in a season that is supposed to start new resolutions and reflection on the year past? The reason is just as Alma had testified, we need to hope for things that are true. Yes some of them may not be seen and some we may be able to see in the distant or near future. My husband and I have decided that hope will be our theme for 2010. We have a lot to hope for and to wish for. We know that if we remain honest and faithful to our beliefs, ourselves, our family and our friends that we will be taken care of.

I know we are faced with difficulties in this life but I also know that Heavenly Father wouldn't be give us anything we couldn't handle. I know that Heavenly Father loves us and that through faith in Him we will be able to have all the provisions we need. Chris and I have a lot to hope for both individually and together as a family. While my husband is Atheist I know that he still believes in hope and I know he has a lot to hope for. With him graduating in August many things are uncertain in our future but we do know with planning, preparation and our belief we will be taken care of.

I am very grateful for my family and my beliefs. I am grateful for the knowledge I have of Heavenly Father and His plan for us. I am grateful for the church and their support and finally I am grateful for a wonderful little boy and a very understanding husband. We have a lot to hope for this year and that pillar of hope is going to make all the difference in our life. I say these things in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Planet Mom

2009-10-16T16:44:00.000-07:00

This is my second year attending MOPS (Mother's of Preschoolers). Last years theme was "Adventures in Mothering" and the picture that accompanied the theme was a roller coaster. The theme this year is, "Planet Mom."

At the beginning of this month, MOPS showed a video and it talked about the difference, or changes that occurred from being who you were to who you are now as a mom. The woman in the video discussed who she was before kids and then all of a sudden she was a mom and her needs definitely did not come first. We heard how she struggled finding her identity. Would she ever be the woman she was just months prior or would she be on this foreign planet forever. She discussed how she felt and how she wanted to put her child first and at the same time wished she remembered who that woman was and she truly missed her.

As new mothers I think we all fall into that category. In our discussion groups afterward we discussed if we missed who we were before we were moms. I definitely agreed with one mom and felt like I still wasn't sure if I truly ever figured out or was comfortable with who I was. I know who I am now and I do miss what it was like in some senses of who I was, even though I'm not 100% sure who she really was. Before having a baby it was much easier just to pick up and go, fly to California, pack for just the two of us, have constant company over, but now it's different. It's rare if I stay up past 11, and even at that time I'm exhausted. I do miss the spontenaety between me and my husband, I miss a lot of those years. The definite pre-pregnancy body that I now long for.

At the same time as all the missing, I couldn't imagine life without my son. He brightens my day. I love watching him discover new things, listening to him play and his little imagination go wild. I love that I stay home with him and watch him grow, develop, try and learn new words, meet new milestones, etc. So this year I am learning how to grow as a mom and keep that little piece of me from before in there. I'm not really sure what it will be yet, maybe striving harder to do my hair in the morning, work out more, put on make up everyday, maybe all of it, but regardless it's finding that medium between being a mom and being you. Never lose sight of who you are and know the Lord is always there if you need help and guidance, all you have to do is ask. He will guide you, love you, listen to your frustrations and He will show you how much he cares, for me it often shows up from the heart of my little boy unexpectedly.

For the Love of Food

2009-09-30T17:52:00.000-07:00

I absolutely LOVE food. Anyone who knows me knows this. Yes there are some quirks in my food life, such as not being a fan of icecream. I used to love it, now and for the past several years I dislike it. Every once in awhile I'll have some but I'm not the type of girl that has it stocked in her freezer and when it is sitting in there, it sits for quite a long time until my husband or house guests eat it. For my son's birthday party I almost forgot to buy some, if it wasn't for my mom and best friend reminding me to purchase it.

My husband LOVES icecream, to the point where he'd prefer an icecream cake over the regular kind. I think it's crazy, but then again I'm probably just as crazy for not loving it.

As part of loving food so much I have enjoyed cooking to such great extents. Currently I'm working on my pot and pan collection and actually found a set I really like. Of course I found them at my friend (more like an acquaintance but she's super nice) Sarah's house and they are Pampered Chef which means they are very expensive but she swears by them and to tell you the truth I love they are guaranteed for life. Of course one of the best parts of the Pampered Chef Pans are who they are sold by. I'd rather buy them from Sarah then some random person I met at a party. Yes Sarah sells Pampered Chef so if you ever want a delicious party give me a call or send an email and I'm sure Sarah would be more then pleased to have a "cooking show" with you. To make it even better I'd probably buy some stuff at your party as well.

My extent of cooking involves me trying new recipes constantly. I will cook new meals for my family, bake breads and even whip up new desserts. The problem with this is eating. I eat while I cook, I eat the food when it's first ready, I eat left overs when it's cold. Now this will clearly run up caloric intake and well...that's a problem.

Since food is such an important part in my life, I have to try and be careful. Notice it's try to be careful. So how do I be a stay at home mom, who adores cooking and baking and not weigh 200 pounds? Recently I found this TV program called, "Cook Yourself Thin." I was so intrigued by the recipes I looked them up. I highly recommend you do. I ate a full dinner with a side of stuffing (which was not on the menu and was as unhealthy as you can get) and my calories for dinner was STILL less then what I normally eat. Tonight we ate the Mediterranean Chicken and Tomatoes. It was divine! I've also made the chocolate biscotti which was wonderful as well. These recipes really do taste amazing and the caloric intake is low.

Not only have I been trying new, healthier and just as fulfilling recipes, I've been trying harder to exercise, which involves running again and my beloved long walks with my son. Honestly I do love food but if there's one thing I do know is the calories add up fast so you have to burn some. I'm hoping in about four more weeks I'll be down ten pounds, if I keep following the guidelines. Try the website, "Cook Yourself Thin" and let me know what you think. We are most definitely going to continue using these recipes in my house and if anyone wants to get me something for Christmas, either Pampered Chef Pans or the Cook Yourself Thin Cookbook. I hope you enjoy! Bon appetit!

Two Ears to Listen

2009-09-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

Growing up my father always told me that I have two ears in order to listen twice as much as I talked. From that point on I always tried to remember to listen more. Clearly it didn't always work out. When I thought I was over learning those wise methods from my father, I quickly was reminded once again in college. At Oswego State I took a course called Living Writers. It was a requirement as a Writing Arts Major and basically covered how to get your work published, agents, publishing, different avenues for each and current books, authors, what's hot, what's not, etc. It was in this class, taught by one of my favorite professors who preferred to be called Ira and would give us extra credit if we could figure out how to spell his last name....Suka....Suka...Sukarungrung (I think the spelling is correct). Ira was born in Thailand but lived in the States since he was young. He was quite a large man who loved his cocker spaniels, adored his wife and loved the candy aisle at Wegmans Grocery Store.

It was during his class the old saying was brought up. Clearly I was wondering how this would play into the Living Writers course and the answer was quite simple, in order to be a successful writer, you should read twice as much as you write. At the time I thought it was crazy, because I just wanted to write and write and write some more. I did know, however this theory is correct. It was stressed that no matter what, you need to sit down every day and write, even for five minutes. Therefore it means I have to read for ten minutes a day....interesting.

As I think about my husband I often reflect on how often he studies his programming, programming lanuages and then finally sits down to brainstorm and finally starts programming. He does this in school, outside of school and I'm pretty sure in his sleep. Being a mom of a toddler I find it's hard to write and let alone read. I have decided, however, I can write often but am I really listening? The answer is no. Well sort of. Currently I will read some blogs, magazine articles but in all honesty I need to listen more.

The concept of the whole listening thing is to learn what's hot in the writing world and what' not so hot, like everything else it continually changes. Another writing professor had said to write verbatim what another author had written. By doing this exercise you learn to write like them, gain the same techniques they had. This will only improve writing skills.

Finally there's encouragement. My husband is a constant source of encouragement for me to write. My parents are too and sometimes my brother but no one encourages me like my husband. He reads all of my blogs and will comment on them all to me personally. He reads them when I least expect them to be read. The whole reason for me starting to blog was to get "practice" for my book, which has been a dream and goal of mine since I was a young child. I wrote a book when I was in middle school and sent it out for publication. It wasn't published but an editor at Dell Publishing Company actually read it and sent it back to me with an encouraging letter. I still may have it somewhere, not really sure where though. I will never forget my first rejection letter. It isn't something that brought me down but uplifted me and encouraged me to write even more.

I still have more reading to do, and planning, but the book will be on it's way shortly, this I know. Until the book is done I probably won't discuss it anymore other then frustrations of writer's block or too much in one section or another. Until then I will read the encouraging comments on this blog, which I will continue writing in as well. Your comments encourage me that one, two or more people actually read my work. I often have unexpected people call and tell me they read my stuff. Clearly only a few comment in writing, but regardless it encourages me to think some things are worthy enough to be read by others.

Time Changes Everything

2009-09-24T18:28:00.000-07:00

Now that I am a mommy I look at everything differently. I think about my past and I tell my toddler, "Don't, please don't pull some of the stunts Mommy or Daddy did." It's not just me that thinks like this. Chris informed me when Bradley is a teenager we are both getting stick shifts because he won't know how to drive them and therefore won't be able to steal our vehicles like he stole his father's truck when he was fifteen. Chris also informed me that it gives me plenty of time to practice my driving skills, since I haven't driven stick since my freshman year in college, which involved Kristi's red little "clown car" and what felt like ten clowns piling in and out of it.

With Halloween coming up, I often wonder what we will do for trick or treating. As a kid we always went in our neighborhood. After we were all done we would sort through the candy to pick out the "safe" and "unsafe" ones to eat. Oswego however....isn't somewhere I normally trust. I know the college does some sort of trick or treat thing for kids so maybe we'll do that. I do not however feel comfortable to take my son to many houses around here, maybe the neighbors on each side but other then that....I think we are headed elsewhere.

It's not just Halloween that is a concern. Neither Chris nor myself want to raise our son here. We would prefer a more...well...happier, honest, loving, safer area. Growing up we never locked our doors, would leave our keys in our car, etc. Here....not so much. We lock up every night, we always lock the car and we take the extra steps needed. On top of all that as a kid we would walk to school. I would often ride my bike with a friend, who has now passed on. In Oswego I definitely wouldn't even think about it.

I also look at kids, teenagers, people my age and think how disrespectful they are. Today I saw my neighbor and of course said hello to him. I also called him Mister Murphy. He laughed and said I should just call him Kevin, but I think to myself I want my son (who was with me at the time) to call his elders mister, miss, misses, whatever it would be. What's wrong with a little hospitality, respect, politeness. Of course Mister Murphy was probably saying this because I'm an adult, but regardless it's how I was raised. In fact for a while it was, "Yes, ma'am," "No, ma'am," "Yes, Sir," "No, Sir." Yes I would like this for my child, it's just respectful. I remember moving up to New York and I got in trouble by my first grade teacher for calling her ma'am.

I want my son to know how to not only respect others, other's property but I think it's equally as important to respect oneself. I look at kids and see how they don't respect the language out of their mouth (I think it's hideous and unattractive), not to mention their lack of respect for others. Oftentimes I wonder, what in the world did their parent(s) teach them. Seriously everything has just gone downhill in my eyes. I want my child to respect his toys, clothes, body, self and self worth. I want my child to know he is loved. I want my child to know his manners.

Recently I was going to submit an essay about what it means to be a woman today. As I began writing, I got angry. I was angry at women in general. Many women say things to me because I am a stay at home mom. I have even had professionals sneer because I wasn't working. Yes it is hard to be an at home mom at times. For me I think it comes naturally, it's how I was raised for the most part. Once at my doctor's office the receptionist had the nerve to make a loud comment under her breath because I wasn't working. When she asked if I did and I said no her response was, "Of course you don't." I was appalled. She is a professional, or supposed to be. Yes we have a lower income because of it, but does that make me any less of a person or lesser of a woman? I do have my Bachelor's Degree....hmmm....maybe I should have said something about that to the receptionist whom I can only assume did not. Yes it is wrong for me to assume, does that make it right? No, but I did and still assume that. Overall most women, I am not ashamed to say, I AM NOT PROUD OF!!

So where is that woman of 2009? I am right here. I am here and I am a mom. I am very proud of my friends and family who serve in the military. I am a stay at home mom. I served my country the best I could. Yes when I was in uniform at my college a faculty member called me a baby killer. Hmmm.....interesting. Why didn't SHE put on the uniform? Regardless I kept my mouth shut, let her yell at me in my uniform then went on my merry way. I do believe women are more outspoken now then every before, but just because you are outspoken doesn't mean you should never keep your mouth shut. I honor and love the woman who puts her family first above her career (yes some families need two incomes, yes some moms need to work). I honor the woman who is striving to make herself better and her family better. Most of all I honor those who teach their child respect, give their child the much deserved attention and love.

Recently I read that everyday you should say, "I love you" and "thank you" to your children no matter what their age. I believe this will most definitely teach love and respect. A parent needs to be a parent before they are their child's friend in my opinion. Then maybe when my son is grown (and starts a family of his own) he won't have to worry about having his children trick or treat in his neighborhood or walk to school like I did.

Trying the Waiting Game....

2009-09-23T11:08:00.000-07:00

In the military one would always remember the "Hurry Up and Wait" game. This primarily consists of having to be somewhere or do something at a particular time, which you cannot be late for. Once you get there or have the opportunity to complete the task, you normally have to wait. You wait for paperwork, you wait in a gigantic long line, you wait for signatures, wait in another gigantic long line, wait for your computer to be fixed, wait in another gigantic long line....it can take forever.

Since our miscarriage several months ago we were waiting to "try" again for another. We had to wait a minimum of three months. We waited for about five. Now we are playing the same old game....hurry up and wait.....we sit here and wonder how long it will take....I am now three days late on my "cycle" and we are still waiting....the pregnancy test said negative....so now we wait...even more...we will now wait a couple more days, or maybe even tomorrow to play the hurry up and wait game some more before taking another pregnancy test. If that doesn't work out then we will wait even longer to start the process all over again.

In the meantime the game continues for everything. The hurry up and wait has lasted several months for me, I am now officially: HONORABLY DISCHARGED EFFECTIVE THE 21ST from the Army....a friend told me...now I have to wait for my unit to send me the letter. I guess it will preoccupy me from the baby business. Of course in the back of my mind I'm still going to hurry up and wait, and even though I'm happy to be discharged I'm overcome with extreme sadness, a huge window to my life has closed, I just have to remember another one will open.

Writer's Cramp

2009-09-19T19:14:00.001-07:00

I sit here listening to the TV blaring in the background, the occasional laughs from family, dog grunting and obnoxiously loud fan of an XBOX cooling it's overworked insides. I wanted to write something for quite some time now and when I'm driving, in the shower, playing with my toddler or closing my eyes for a night's rest I can think of all the topics. I recite the lines I will rhythmically stroke on the keyboard, making them flow like a soft fall breeze.

As the leaves change color and slip away from the trees, my thoughts change color and words slip away at my finger tips. Instead I just write. I write words that may not work together. I make sentences that don't flow. Finally I make up my mind there isn't anything worthy of writing at this time. I then close the borrowed lap top and hope another day I will collect my thoughts on paper. When that happens I will write about the fall breeze, the chaos of having a toddler, the images of PTSD in the lives around me, the laughter of a very young boy and the wonders of a playful imagination. Until then the unexercised key strokes of the computer will remain untouched as the neglected thoughts remain in my mind somewhere. They are all waiting to once again be discovered in life's little game of what I could only remember as writer's cramp when it is actually called writer's block.

The Look Alike....

2009-09-17T17:20:00.001-07:00

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

Abuelita

2009-09-07T18:03:00.000-07:00

Recently Chris and I were in California for his cousin's wedding. During the stay I had the opportunity to spend time with Chris's grandmother. We all call her Abuelita, which is Spanish for grandma. She prefers that over anything else. Her real name is Clara.

When I look at her she reminds me slightly of my grandmothers and how I miss them terribly. Abuelita is clearly different from them though. She hums as she sweeps her kitchen, speaks only in a foreign language I could only hope to understand and speak fluently, and she sings and claps for baby Bradley, whom she calls bebe because she cannot pronounce his name.

I tried my best to speak what little Spanish I know to her and she tries her best to speak what little English she knows to me. I was once told, "The eyes are the windows to a person's soul," and this holds true with Abuelita. There is something pure and genuine deep inside her soul.

As I looked at her sweeping her kitchen floor, as saw the years of work behind her, living in a foreign country, moving to California, taking care of her children, even though now they are grown, there was something she carried that carried me away with her. I felt like I was miles away, distant from anything around me, foreign to my surroundings.

While in Petaluma, Abuelita and I didn't say much, for even though we were in the same city we were worlds apart, yet connected in some strange way. I looked at her as that foundation that truly did hold her family together. I may never honestly know who is she is or what she is saying, but I can just look into those windows to her soul and be blanketed in her genuine heart.

Spa Nails

2009-08-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love getting manicures and pedicures, although so far this summer, there has been no pedicure....hopefully someday I will get one again. Maybe my mother in law will go with me in California, my own mother doesn't care for them.

What I love the most about getting my nails done is that some simple little element really makes me feel and look that much better. I always chose the French Manicure. Yes I have fake nails AND they were in exchange for HBO. I felt it was an even trade off. Both have monthly payments. If we get rid of one I'm sure the other would shortly follow.

I don't particularly like the way it feels as they file down my nails (I don't like them real long like some women). The way it feels grosses me out a bit. The only way I can think to describe it is honestly sanding your finger nails. I didn't like it before I put the acrylic pleasures on, so I often left my nails designed by way of the nail clipper.

So what in particular is it that makes me feel good about my nails that are finished? First off they complete any outfit. Black dress, white dress, shorts, swimsuit, even gym clothes. Sometimes it feels like the forgive all of running out of the house without any make up, hair in a ponytail, not sure how long ago it was now that you actually put effort into it. Then when someone sees the nails and the baby right along with me, they understand and think, "She's doing the best she can to be put together."

I have discovered being a mom requires me, and many other women, more effort into being put together, especially between cries for attention, diaper changes, feedings, etc. When Chris and I were dating, I always curled my hair, put makeup on, picked out the right outfit. Even after we were married, I ran to the bathroom and put mascara or something on before he rolled out of bed, it took me awhile to get used to the idea that he was going to see me without makeup. Now Chris is lucky to see me with makeup. Over the past couple of months I have put in a much more conscious effort into makeup and doing my hair everyday. Now within the past few weeks, as long as I put makeup on it's good progress. It's way too hot to dry my hair and if it's humid out you can forget it, any curls or style I had would be lost in the matter of minutes.

So now every two weeks I go to Oswego Spa and Nails, on West 1st Street and sit down for about half an hour and try to relax as I get pampered. Sometimes I try to stretch out the two weeks farther to fifteen, sixteen days; it all depends on the hitting it right for special occasions like weddings, birthday parties, etc. Also after two weeks, it really is a struggle; even though you have acrylic nails, your real nail still grows and you can't just cut them with normal nail clippers.

Getting my nails done really is my guilty pleasure. I feel guilty every time I go. I know Chris and I could use the money for something else, but we could also use the extra HBO money for something else too. I guess both of them are our guilty pleasures, but in that space of thirty minutes every two weeks, I know it's something just for me.

I don't buy new clothes. I hate clothes shopping for myself now because I'm not comfortable in my new mom body. I am still trying to get used to the idea that I actually HAVE to try something on before I buy it. Who has time for that when you shop with a toddler? When I do go shopping for myself I get something for Chris or the baby instead and I'm ok with that. Recently I just told Chris, who hadn't gotten me my anniversary gift yet, to just let me use the money to get Bradley new clothes, which he desperately needed. You see normally he gets really great quality clothing. I just with my best friend to the outlet mall, during their big sales. Turns out I misjudged what I had for the next size, which he's now starting to go into, so I used my anniversary gift money for my little boy. Do I still want a present? Heck yeah! But it'll have to wait, until then you can see me on West First Street one week from Saturday, enjoying a guilty pleasure.

Almost One

2009-08-11T08:18:00.001-07:00

Our little boy is almost one year old, next week to be exact. He has grown and changed so much it's amazing. Of course he isn't the only one who has grown up a bit. Chris and I both did too. We went from carefree craziness to slowing down with the family life, which is much more relaxing, I think.

Since many people have been asking us what to get Bradley for his first birthday party (which will be on Saturday, August 22nd from 1-3), I have made a list. I do update the list as soon as I know of something someone has gotten him, that way we don't have multiples. The list is located on the left hand side of the blog and I included the place where I found the item, of course it can be purchased anywhere.

Here's the agenda, as far as I know....Thursday, August 20th - Bradley's actual birthday. We are going to have a little family celebration, just Chris, Bradley and myself. We are going to go to Friendly's and eat dinner and get Bradley some icecream. He LOVES icecream (definitely taking after his daddy). We will also give him a present that day. I'm hoping every year we can have a "family party" before his actual "friend/family party." I have also gotten this wonderful idea from a friend of mine, which is to write a letter to Bradley on his birthday every year and when he's old enough, give him a stack of letters from his mom. I'm hoping I can get his dad into it too, but I don't think Chris is that into it, I'll have to ask.

Saturday, August 22nd - his first birthday party with cake, candles, lots of presents and some of his friends and family. We already have the party favors done and presents wrapped. We're just waiting on food and cake, which it's too early for that stuff right now. We are pretty well prepared for it.

Monday, August 24th - Bradley's one year check up. Probably not very fun.

Thursday, August 27th - flying to California. There's a wedding to attend and possibly another first birthday party with Chris's side of the family. I don't have a confirmation on that one yet, but I'm trying to get one, soon I hope.

Monday, August 31st - fly home and hopefully relax a little.

It's going to be crazy but it's going to be fun. I can't wait for his birthday party and see all of his presents! All is welcome on August 22nd, let me know ahead of time if you are coming, so I have a big enough cake and enough food! Remember I'll keep his list updated and if you need more ideas let me know.

The Joys of Motherhood

2009-08-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been thinking of the joys of motherhood. I LOVE that I stay home with my little boy and get to see him grow. I wouldn't want to miss it for the world. Bradley knows: nose, mouth, eye. You say them and he will take your finger and point to yours. We are still working on him trying to point to his own, however he doesn't like anyone touching his hands.

As a mom I am absolutely enthralled with almost living a second childhood. Many of you know, as a kid you can't wait to grow up. As an adult sometimes one may wish they savored the moment just a little more. As a parent, I most certainly love my child enjoying experiences I never had, enjoyed myself or thought about but never tempted.

I try to take Bradley with me almost everywhere. Shopping at the mall is ok, because normally we meet up with my best friend and her two kids. Bradley loves the beach and two days ago was actually trying to "jump" over the waves, according to his daddy. I wish I was there to see it, but I was enjoying a much needed break. The baby loves icecream and every once in awhile we take him out for one. If the weather is nice on a Thursday we head to the farmer's market for some fresh fruits and vegetables.

Yesterday, we went grocery shopping together. I have been taking him with me on this adventure more times then not lately. For anyone who is aware of the early toddler years, this can be quite challenging. Not only are you trying to get the things on your list but entertain a young boy (in my case at least). I find I talk to him a lot while shopping and make funny noises when pulling things off the shelf. Now when I go alone to the grocery I make the same swoosh noises or clunk noises I do when I'm with the baby. Once I notice I do this habitual act, I quickly turn to see if anyone saw or heard. Unfortunately sometimes my actions don't go unnoticed.

The grocery store adventure yesterday brought about new surprises and risk taking. As I pulled into the parking lot I noticed an available race car shopping cart. I quickly snatched it up and even though it took me about five minutes to buckle the baby in, the buckles obviously weren't working right, I was bound and determined to make this work. Right away Bradley loved it. He started turning the wheels even before he was buckled. As I was pushing my wide load through the store, this proved to be more difficult then I could imagine. The cart felt heavy and there are no quick easy turns, but very wide. If I came to a stop because I needed to grab something off the shelf, Bradley would turn the steering wheel fast and hard, indicating he was ready to go. The race car made the trip fun for all of us but of course by the end Bradley had enough of it. I did get some sympathy from a mother who loved the cart but said she struggled moving it and eventually decided it wasn't worth it for her kids.

With Bradley wherever we end up, he ALWAYS puts a smile on my face. Yesterday my little comedian tried driving with his feet. And yes he had no socks on because he takes them off and tries to eat them. He most definitely makes the best facial reactions which makes Chris and I laugh. He really is the best kid in my book. All in all Bradley enjoyed his car ride and I think it's another go for the next time.

Lumpy Leo

2009-07-22T06:16:00.000-07:00

Leo is our AKC registered chocolate lab. His registered name is Leonitis III. Leonitis from the movie 300. My dad calls him Lumpy Leo, my brother in law calls him Lucifer and I call him my pain in the ass.

We bought Leo when I was between four and five months pregnant with Bradley. The pregnancy hormones clearly affected my thought process. Chris had previously wanted a dog before we had a baby and this was my idea of a solution. The ad in the local paper specified the blocky head a lab should have. Yes, Leo is our blockhead through and through.

The spring semester of my junior year in college I had a little extra time on my hands. That Christmas my mom bought me a book, "Marley and Me." I read it in my spare time. I laughed, I cried and I just fell in love with all of it. As Chris and I drove two hours, I laughed as I thought about Marley, the yellow lab, and remembered to check the demeanor of both parents. By the time we arrived at the farm, I had forgotten.

Within the first few days of owning him, I sent the following email to my family:

Day One (Saturday, April 19):

Got him from Amish people. Chris thought he was lazy and not playful enough. He cried a lot. Separation anxiety. He followed me around everywhere. We got bath stuff, toys, crate, food (Puppy Chow), treats a couple retriever magazines and feeding dishes. His name started out as Stewy but got changed to Leo (short for Leonitis). Leo was asked to go to his first birthday party at PetSmart on Tuesday. He stays close to your heels at all times. We went to a cookout and he was the hit of the party. A train went by and whistled, Leo ran mock ten to me and hid. We went home that night, it was late. Chris wanted Leo to sleep with us. He had no accidents in the house.

Day Two (Sunday, April 20):

Chris got up in the middle of the night once to let Leo out. Slept with us all night. Chris didn't get much sleep because he was afraid the dog would poo and it would somehow end up on his face. He sleeps a lot during the day. I tell Chris it's because he's growing. We went outside in the early morning and played. Then Leo and I took a nap. He's a cuddler right now. Ch ris is jealous when we go outside in the afternoon and Leo listens to me more then Chris. There are no accidents in our house. Chris can't get Leo to pee or poo outside, but I can. We played outside again with Leo at night. Chris sat and watched. Then made fun of a preggo lady for running. He said it looks funny.. Chris takes Leo out before going to bed. The dog didn't pee or poo. Leo sleeps with us again. Chris keeps pushing him to the bottom of the bed because Leo breathes in his ear. I keep pulling Leo back up. He wants to lay his head on the pillow.

Day Three (Monday, April 21):

I get up early with Leo. We go outside and go to the bathroom. Then we head back to bed and sleep for another half hour/forty-five minutes. We eat a quick breakfast and put Leo in his crate. We leave at 830 and Leo is crying. He doesn't like being alone. Chris comes home at ten and lets Leo out. He peed in his crate. No big deal, we expect it. He runs with Leo for a little bit. Chris goes to school about ten fifteen, ten thirty. I come home about one. Leo is screaming at the top of his lungs. Leo pooped in his crate. It got all over the three toys Chris put in there. Leo only has a few tennis balls to play with now. I take Leo out. I clean the crate and clean the toys. Leo decides to grab the paper towel roll and try to run with it. I take it from him. Then he grabs the plastic bag I use to put the dirty paper towels in. He doesn't let go. I finally open his jaws and take it. I give him a clean tennis ball to play with. I ask the neighbor if she would watch him for a little so he doesn't cry. We'd be home around 430. She does. We come home at 430, there are no more accidents. I take Leo out to go poop and pee and we run around a little. Chris goes for a run then comes home and takes Leo for a run to the mailbox and a run back. I think Leo is mad at us. I make dinner. Chris is taunting Leo with his hand. Leo tries to bite it. I yell at Chris. I tell him he's teaching Leo to bite hands he says no he's teasing him. I tell him Leo doesn't know the difference. Chris says I'm being mean to him. I tell Chris I'm not and I know a little more about raising dogs then he does. I work on military things. Chris plays with Leo. He isn't good at being stern at telling him no. I have a talk with Chris. He tries. I go to bed. Chris takes Leo to bed with us, I make Chris take him outside first. Chris asked why. I said so he doesn't pee or poop on the bed. Chris takes Leo out he pees. They come back in. Leo knows it's bedtime. We all go to sleep.

Day Four (Tuesday, April 22):

Leo wakes me up at 645. We go outside and go to the bathroom. He doesn't want to go back to bed today. I feed him. He has to go poop so I take him outside again. He goes poop and then comes back in. He still doesn't want to go to sleep. He started to drag the carpet around. I yell at him. I wake up Chris, Chris doesn't want to get up. I tell him he has to. I put the dog on the bed. He cries.. Chris wants to know why he's crying. I say it's because the dog wants to get off the bed and play. He doesn't stop crying. I get up and start playing with the dog. I do laundry. The dog grabs the towl and starts pulling. He doesn't let go. I try to replace it with another toy. It works briefly. The dog is bouncing off the walls the walls today. I make Chris watch him while I take a shower. Chris and the dog are sleeping. It's now 830. Leo is full of shit and vinegar. It must be the puppy chow.

Leo continued to be a Marley. When we got our new house he was very excited. He only went to the bathroom once. Since that day he was officially house broken. While pregnant there were many frustrating points such as Leo jumping in the shower with me. Since he was already in the shower we decided we should just watch him. This would continue for the next few months.

Although Leo has eaten mold, thrown it up and ate it again while we ran for paper towels, eaten part of our deck, many baby toys, diapers, already dead fish he finds on walks, a plastic kiddie pool and countless items from the garbage he has survived it all. Leo is an angel when it comes to Bradley. The baby pulls on his tail, has investigated Leo's paws, bitten Leo's leg, pulled the skin beneath Leo's eyes and tugged on his ears. Leo takes it all. He has never once snipped, snapped, growled or barked at the baby. The best part is they have a conspiracy together. Bradley feeds Leo any chance he gets, giving Leo a lick of this or that before Bradley pops it into his mouth or just plain hands him food, or leaves him leftovers on the floor. All Bradley asks for in return is to use Leo as a jungle gym. Don't get me wrong, Leo did give Bradley a doggy treat one day. Oh the things you find in the mouth of a toddler with a quick finger swipe.

While Leo has his moments, I will never forget the way he reacted the night before I miscarried. Chris and I already knew our baby had no heartbeat. In a rare occurrence I wanted Leo to cuddle with us in bed. Typically Leo doesn't come over to my side of the bed and if he does it's his attempt to push me off with his legs or his incessant barking at me. The scenario normally ends with me complaining to Chris until it's taken care of. This night in particular Leo laid his head on my belly and closed his eyes, not moving and I didn't want him to move.

While Leo has his funny moments, moments of disaster and frustration he also has a kind, caring, patient and warmer side. Even though his rudder of a tail can knock anyone or anything off it's course he means well.

Pure Satisfaction

2009-07-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

At my first ultrasound with Bradley I knew I was in for it when the technician exclaimed how active my child already was. She also said she had "never seen a baby so active early on in pregnancy like this. " My best friend, Renae, and I looked at the monitor and at seven and a half weeks pregnant, it most certainly looked like he was doing cartwheels, somersaults and any other acrobatic act found in the circus of my uterus.

Bradley's first trip to the pediatrician, as a newborn, only confirmed what the ultrasound technician previous found months earlier. "You are going to have your hands full with this one. He's going to be very active." I looked at my child, he was only days old, maybe a week. How on earth could they tell this? Eleven months later I now chase Bradley at a high rate of speed. Not only does my son crawl faster then a speeding bullet but stands on his own and is learning to take his first steps by himself, a little more courageous every day. I can only imagine he will be running faster then the speed of sound shortly.

One can only guess how difficult it can be to keep up with our little bundle of joy. Two nights ago my husband and I adopted an idea my best friend and her husband strive for. Every night before going to bed, they pick up the house. By the end of the night, it's clear cleaning is the last thing on our mind, but we tried it the first night and it made the next day much easier.

Last night I was very tired and reluctant to follow through with the new rule, but I pushed myself to do it anyhow. The baby was fast asleep by eight. Chris was at school and then he'd be at the gym following his night class. I struggled even more knowing I was on my own without the extra hand to help in the endeavor. About half an hour later a friend of mine stopped by to drop off a shirt. As we sat and talked at my kitchen table I looked around and was very pleased I didn't feel like I had to explain why the dishes weren't done, kitchen still a mess, crumbs from animal crackers trailed throughout the house, juicy cups strategically placed or a sea of toddler treasures scattered like gold on the ocean floor. Instead I sighed in relief as I enjoyed time well spent with a new friend.

Everything Blue

2009-07-20T10:49:00.001-07:00

This past week at the local grocery store blueberries were on sale, "Buy one get one free with your Price Chopper card." After little contemplation I decided, why the heck not? Earlier in the week I had been craving blueberry muffins and never before had I made them from scratch. I love to cook and bake so I thought it would be a wonderful new baking adventure. Now mind you these little containers weren't the standard small size normally sold at the grocery but quite large, you know the larger strawberry size containers, which reminded me of my childhood.

As a little girl I remember my Aunt Claire and Uncle Neil taking my brother and I blueberry picking. They talked it up and it was going to be a fun adventure. Hours later I hardly had any blueberries in my bucket. I ate a lot of them and I'm pretty sure I had a tummy ache. While at the grocery store I reminisced about what it must have been like in fields picking blueberry after blueberry for hours on end.

As I was unloading the groceries, and the baby, I came to the realization I really did have a lot of blueberries. I needed to do something. The next morning, Friday, I made blueberry muffins as I planned. The only problem was the recipe called for only one cup of blueberries, which really wasn't as much as I thought it was. Regardless the recipe only made twelve muffins and they were delicious. Chris referred to them as blueberry cupcakes all day. Between Chris, Bradley and me we ate about five of them. The remaining seven, although an odd number, we gave to our neighbor Carol, who was more then pleased to have homemade muffins.

The next morning I was determined to use up more of those blueberries. We hardly eat pancakes and I thought it would be a great way to get rid of some of the fruit. I pulled one of our dining room chairs up to the counter and had Bradley stand on it. In my mind I thought it would be fun for my almost toddler to help me cook breakfast. Bradley's idea of stirring the pancake batter was dunking his entire hand in the bowl and squishing it with his fingers. Good thing his hands were clean and it was just us eating the meal. After cleaning up his little mess I thought he would enjoy putting the blueberries in the batter, instead he was taking handfuls of blueberries and shoving them in his mouth. I was dreading future diaper changes. Turns out things weren't nearly as bad as I thought they would be.

Sunday I decided to make more blueberry muffins, this time sending the remaining treats with Uncle Brad. I still have almost a full container of blueberries left. Although I think we are blueberried out, I may try one more recipe of something blue.

To Die For Blueberry Muffins (www.allrecipes.com)

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup white sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 egg
1/3 cup milk
1 cup fresh blueberries
1/2 cup white sugar
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup butter, cubed
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Grease muffin cups or line with muffin liners.
Combine 1 1/2 cups flour, 3/4 cup sugar, salt and baking powder. Place vegetable oil into a 1 cup measuring cup; add the egg and enough milk to fill the cup. Mix this with flour mixture. Fold in blueberries. Fill muffin cups right to the top, and sprinkle with crumb topping mixture.
To Make Crumb Topping: Mix together 1/2 cup sugar, 1/3 cup flour, 1/4 cup butter, and 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon. Mix with fork, and sprinkle over muffins before baking.
Bake for 20 to 25 minutes in the preheated oven, or until done.

A Step in the Right Direction

2009-07-16T11:15:00.000-07:00

This week has been a very good one for the Campos Family. Bradley has taken his first steps, at almost eleven months old. These are the only ones we have on video, that we could catch anyway. They are his actual first consecutive steps. We can now get him up to seven in a row at times! Enjoy!!

On top of everything else, Bradley got his first hair cut today. I've only put up a few of the 25 pictures I took! He was a doll and they said it was the first time a baby didn't cry and was cooperative!

Bradley was a little shocked to be getting his hair squirted in the beginning but he was ok with it.

And he was fine with the cape and just watching Lisa (my hairdresser) cut his hair in the mirror.

Some parts toward the end he was squirmy but other then that he was great!

Lisa would stop every once in awhile to give Bradley a squirt in the mouth of her water bottle which he loved!

Shortly after this picture she used the clippers and Bradley didn't mind one bit. He was such a good boy.

He was so good we got icecream afterward. Don't you love the big boy haircut and cute messy little face! He looks so grown up!

Mom Friendly

2009-07-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

Recently I have tried a new product, it's Sally Hensen hair remover for legs. I had a coupon and thought why the heck not. Spray it on, take it off in the shower. Well I have come to find out it is not really mom friendly. I love the product but as I was sitting in my bathroom, legs white and foamy, not only could I not move because I had to leave the product on for three minutes but I worried about the baby waking up from his nap and me running through our hall white foam flying off my legs in order to get my child. Needless to say in those eternity minutes I paced around the bathroom, carefully trying not to touch anything and thought to myself all the other things I could be doing in those three minutes of nothing. I could have been making the bed, cleaning the bathroom, getting a head start on chopping stuff for dinner, sanitizing toys or a whirlwind of other things. My three minutes didn't last long as I jumped in the shower, one and a half minutes early. I felt like I could do some sort of back bend in order to at least wash my hair while I was waiting. It didn't work and I ended up rinsing my legs too soon. I definitely was amazed to see some of the hair come off my legs but spent the rest of my shower time shaving as usual.

Missing - Shoes

2009-06-19T14:19:00.000-07:00

I LOVE shoes. I love a lot of things, but I really LOVE shoes. Now I used to have a moderate collection of them, however they have dwindled just a bit, mainly because our dog Leo has eaten them. Don't get me wrong, Leo wasn't the first dog to eat my favorite pair of shoes, nor are dogs the only problem with me and shoes.

Lucy, my Siberian Husky has, in the past, eaten and destroyed my favorite pair of "jean" shoes. They were this lovely pair of heels that were a sand color, wooden pump with what looked like a mix of rope and burlap for the sandely strap on the top. They had this cute little bow on them. They were great with jeans or capris, they were like a casual heel. Within weeks of owning them they were gone. Those were the only shoes I know of that she ate.

Then Leo.....he ate my next pair of "jean" shoes. They were black and strappy, just on the fronts, nothing going up the side or leg. They looked great with dresses or jeans. Definitely could be casual or more formal. Within months of having Leo in our life they were gone.

Leo has eaten a very comfortable and cute pair of mahogany colored clogs, that were great with jeans and most recently my last pair of black pumps. They were pointy toed and had just an ever so slight black bow on the top heel of the shoe, they were shiney and well fantastic. They are now owned by the dump.

I once had a pair of pink sandled heels that who knows where they went, they too looked great with jeans. I bought them specifically for this dress that was all black and white with this bright pink flower on it. They matched perfectly. Now it just seems lost without it.

I will never forget the red high heels I owned. I towered over many things when I wore those. I think my ex still has them, I definitely don't care about the ex, just my heels.

Then I once owned a pair of what I like to call "brown hooker boots." These boots were great with jeans and zipped up just below my knees, at the top of my calf. I lost those somewhere almost two years ago.

Now I'm down to only owning one pair of great shoes I can wear with jeans and a few outfits. They have a black heel and are a giraffe print, that is silky. I don't have a pair of black heels to really wear out anymore unless I want to look like a business woman, which I'm not.

Most of my shoe shopping is done at Aldo's (www.aldoshoes.com). I used to go there often. Now I just imagine what it would be like to shop there again. Right now I picture myself as a person walking through the mall, stopping at the window of the shoe store and staring inside like a little kid looking through the glass window of a toy store.

Someday I will find my collection of shoes building back up and I once again will live a life in a paradise of gorgeous, colorful and comfy shoes. Until then it's the sparkley flip flops and the occassional business shoe.

Goal Update...

2009-05-30T19:38:00.001-07:00

Well here is the update on my goals and new goals that were added....

1. Fit into my size 10 cute white summer dress (I can zip it up now but it's hard to breathe and I have back fat). - I haven't tried it on yet and don't want to until I FEEL more comfortable, another five or ten pounds then maybe....

2. Look and FEEL good in a two piece (or ANY bathing suit). - This is a somedays I feel good and somedays I don't.....during little dippers swim class with Bradley the other day, not so good feeling but a few weeks ago I thought I looked really good!

3. Fit better in my clothes and hopefully a few pre-pregnancy bottoms. - I can fit into some stuff but can't exactly zip them now....getting there though....and I haven't tried on jeans yet....

4. Do either 5K or 10K at the 10Kan run (if I'm not pregnant) - Definitely planning on a 10K in September, but ran into a few bumps in the road recently....medical issues. I did get the go ahead to do it though.

5. Feel good AND attractive about myself - weight was ALWAYS an issue, even when I was A LOT skinnier and in good shape. - My husband has been really good at supporting me and some friends that I haven't seen in awhile when they do see me or a picture, which makes me feel better. I'm still NOT where I need to be.

6. Go down a pant size. - It may be awhile before this, but I do know my current ones fit better, which is a plus...

7. Have people surprised I'm a mom. - I tell everyone right from the start I have a gorgeous little boy and definitely take out the pictures so this may take awhile!! LOL

8. Be hit on again - I lost it all when I got pregnant the first time and I don't think my husband even found me attractive and it's hard today to think he does. - Wasn't hit on but did notice I was getting some stares the other day where my husband very nicely put his arm around me and held me close!! :)

So for the remainder....I have lost five pounds so far, but even more amazing is I lost 6 1/2 inches, mainly in my belly (I lost 3 3/4 inches there). I also lost 1 1/4 inches in my thighs! The rest were like neck, bust, arms, butt. I am very happy with these results. I definitely have more to go..... So this is what I'm adding on...

9. Month of June - lose five more pounds (weight would be at 159)

10. Month of July - lose another five pounds (making total weight loss 15 pounds so far, weight at 154 - pre-pregnancy weight)

11. Month of August - lose another five pounds (total weight loss 20 pounds, weight at 149)

12. 10K Run in September

13. By my birthday in October - another five pounds (making a total of 25 pounds lost!, weight at 144)

My Beautiful Angel

2009-05-26T15:56:00.001-07:00

I am most definitely partial to my little boy. If you were to ask me I would say he is the smartest and funniest little boy ever. I love and adore my son. He makes me laugh and yes sometimes cry, but this week he has grown in leaps and bounds. He shows me continuous love and forgiveness for burning dinner or taking his toy away. He is my angel because he has changed my life forever and for the better.

This week Bradley is definitely showing favorites, choosing Mommy over Daddy. The doctor said today, at his nine month well visit, "He's going to be an early walker. I give it a month then you're in trouble." My little man is growing in leaps and bounds. The thing is when a day is tough, he now gives ME a hug and will put his head on my shoulder. Today he'd give me a slobbery kiss on my cheek and then hugged me some more! I LOVE THIS!!! I know once he's older he probably won't want the hugs from Mommy or kisses, so I'm taking them as much as he'll give them to me. I am SO LUCKY to have him in my life. I do thank Heavenly Father for my little angel. I wouldn't want life any other way!!

Museum of Play

2009-05-20T16:49:00.000-07:00

Because Chris had one week off from school, we decided we would visit my mom and dad for a few days. It was nice to relax a bit, although Bradley did NOT sleep well at all and he was in our room so....you can only imagine how grumpy Chris and I were, but we survived and managed to get a date in there. Chris and I went and saw Angels and Demons on Monday. It was fantastic! I was exhausted when we went, the movie started at 9:45 but I was wide awake the entire time, which I was very surprised at.

On the way home on Tuesday morning we stopped at The Strong Museum of Play, in Rochester. I am not sure who had more fun, me or Bradley. Chris got into it a little but not much. There was a Sesame Street City, Wegman's Grocery Store (run by kids), a storybook land and a Bernstein Bears Village, it was all fantastic. Of course there was a ton of stuff in between and Bradley was able to crawl freely, overall it was just great. When we stopped for lunch we had Taco Bell and Pizza Hut. From there we headed right out and to the car, Bradley was so tired he didn't even make it to the car before he was asleep. Anyway take a peek at the pictures. I hope you enjoy.

This was in the Banana City or something like that. It was in the grocery store. Bradley loved crawling around in there.

This was the little steering wheel that Bradley played with. He knows how they run, his walker is a jeep that has a steering wheel so he was turning it all around. There was a button on the left side of the steering wheel that makes some sort of noise that once Bradley realized it, he didn't stop.

This is the side profile of the little bus thing. I couldn't back up any farther, because there were shelves with grocery items right behind me. Doesn't Chris look like he's having fun? Yeah right!!

Bradley loves mirrors and especially that little "friend" that is "always waiting for him."

My little man also loves music and loved "pounding on the keys," literally. But anytime there is music playing on TV or whatever he will stop and listen.

In this area, there was a pirate ship. After going through the ship you could play with these plastic pebble things. Of course as soon as I took the picture I hopped right in there with Bradley and started playing with dump trucks and the whole nine yards with Bradley.

Growing up I always read Nancy Drew so when we were in Storybook Land....I LOVED it! I was in Mystery Mansion and there was a secret room behind the bookshelf and even a picture where you could stand behind and look through the portrait's eyes! It was AWESOME!!

The Bernstein Bear and Campos Families.

This was in the Bernstein Bear Village and Chris and Bradley were using the saw at Papa Bears workshop.

We wondered if Bradley would be scared of the scarecrow. Not in the least. He wanted to touch and play with it right away.

These are the glasses that could go on a giant Mr. Potato Head. I was excited and it matched my shirt!

Finally here is Chris and Bradley playing a duet on the piano. Bradley played the lower notes and Chris the higher ones.

New Adventures in Mothering....

2009-05-15T07:11:00.000-07:00

There have been many new adventures in mothering for me. First off, Mother's Day was wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a better day. Chris let me lay in bed a few extra minutes and then I got up and got ready for my day. I did the normal chores, like making the bed and headed downstairs, where I was greeted with breakfast. Shortly after breakfast Chris gave me a beautiful hanging flower plant and some seeds and planting pods to put them in. It was perfect. Unfortunately Chris had finals all the next week so he apologized then headed off to the library to study, but it was no worries. I finished painting my living room. It went from a dark tan color to a very light color, called natural. It's beautiful. I love it. I also had a very pleasant conversation with my mother in law, for about an hour, and my own mother. It was very nice and it actually was nice to have the house to myself for awhile. Bradley blessed me greatly by taking several long naps that day and when he was awake he was very happy and playful, until he was tired again.

Since Chris had finals this past week, I've been trying my hardest to get out of the house with the baby so he could study without any distractions, or very little of them. I honestly don't remember what Bradley and I did on Monday but I'm sure it was fun. I know I went to the gym at five for my workout so I'm thinking we just played at home.

Tuesday, Bradley and I went to the zoo in Syracuse. It was a blast. Before we went there, we had MOPS in the morning and Bradley I think would much rather play with the older kids then the kids his age. We had to leave early because we were meeting my best friend and her two kids in Syracuse. It was good timing though, because my little angel was having a meltdown right before we left. He slept from the building we have MOPS in to the gas station and all the way to the zoo.

Once we were there we did meet up with my best friend and her little boys (Owen, who is two and Adam, who is a week younger then Bradley). It took us a little while to find each other but we did. Bradley was much more interested in what Owen was doing then what the animals were doing, but by the time we got to the penguins he was intrigued. He loved watching those little things waddle, to the point where when we were leaving them he kept turning and looking at them until they were out of sight. Since Bradley loved them so much when we left I got him a little stuffed penguin he thoroughly enjoyed chewing on.

Near the penguin area there was this cutout, the kind where you could stick your head in and have it look like you are a penguin, so Bradley and I got our picture taken in there. He also LOVED the ducks and swans. He was a hoot and a holler at the zoo.

Now you are probably wondering why I haven't mentioned much about my best friend and her two kids....well even though Renae and I very much enjoyed our time spent together, we did have difficulties talking, which is always the case when we get together with our kids. The majority of the time we spent was entertaining them. Regardless it was fun to be able to see her and see how much weight she has lost. She claims she's only lost a few pounds but I think she looks fantastic!!

Bradley and I finished up by watching monkeys swing from branch to branch. I was so fascinated watching them I took video. Normally you don't see these things swing around. I was definitely much more interested in looking at them then Bradley was.

Finally you will see pictures of me and my best friend and our kids at the zoo. I hope you enjoy. And sorry about all the rambling! I think one of my favorite parts of the day was talking to Renae on the phone AFTER the zoo, when she told me how Owen was calling Bradley's name on the way to the car when we went our separate ways.

Mom!!! Too many pictures and we just got here....Here we go again!

This is of my best friend, Renae and her two boys. Owen is in the front and Adam is in the back of her stroller. Oh I have NO idea what I'd do without Renae!!

This is our group shot, we were scouting out people without young kids for this picture.

This was the third time we tried to get a picture of me and Bradley. He kept turning his head to look at me when we were trying to take the pictures. He's such a ham and always interested in what's going on around him.

I think Owen was like, "Lady, give it up with the pictures already!"

I think I was finally able to get a good picture of Adam because he must have been laughing at the crazy lady who wouldn't stop taking pictures!

Finally I think Bradley was saying, "MOM!!! Quit with the pictures already! You're embarrassing me!"

This video is of Bradley waking up....I hope you enjoy!

This video is of the monkeys at the zoo. I LOVED THEM!!

Identity

2009-05-06T07:31:00.001-07:00

Recently I have been questioning my identity. We live in a world full of changes and one of these changes is the woman. Years ago it was unheard of to have a woman making the income in the family, but now it is very common. As a child, I grew up knowing, not thinking, I could be President of the United States. My parents always taught me I could be anything I wanted to be and do anything I wanted to do. I could be the next Miss America or I could fly to the moon and back, I could be a teacher or doctor, a lawyer or business woman, anything my heart was set on. At one point I think I wanted to be all of these.

So why now, that I have chosen my career I am questioning it? Not why I chose it, but why others question it. Why is it I feel guilty being a stay at home mom? Years ago this would have been very acceptable but now I feel out of place and guilty. I feel like I should be working because that is what is expected. Sure my little family and I make sacrifices in order for me to stay at home. We can't just splurge on anything anymore. In all honesty I wouldn't have known we could make it if it wasn't for the difficulties I faced right before and after Bradley was born. I had full intention of returning back to work. Now I definitely don't.

In order to clarify, when I was pregnant with Bradley I was still considered an ROTC cadet, preparing to commission as an officer in the Army. All of my commitments to ROTC had been complete, with the exception of a PT test (physical fitness test) thirty days out from my commission date. When I graduated I was about six months pregnant and I wasn't allowed to take the PT test. Something about doing fifty sit ups, seventeen pushups and a two mile run in 19 minutes and some odd seconds while six months pregnant didn't sound too enticing either. I had to wait up to six months from the date of Bradley's birth in order to take the PT test. I realized it isn't easy to lose the baby weight at all, in fact eight and a half months later, it's still not lost (but there was also a pregnancy in between).

I wasn't covered financially under the military health insurance, because I was still ROTC and should have been covered under my school. Well, I already graduated college with my B.A. so I wasn't enrolled in school. I was working full time for my unit and therefore according to New York State was unqualified for state health insurance because I made too much money. We found out the day I was in labor. Weeks after having Bradley we were getting in the bills which were around $10,000 total. I worked with the doctors and hospitals and was able to clarify this and it has since been taken care of.

During months of working with hospitals and doctors I stayed home everyday with my little boy. I loved it and still do. Sometimes it is paycheck to paycheck but other times, it's not so bad and we can put some money away. And I am in the process of getting out of the military. But without the hardship we faced, I never would have known we could make it.

So now I stay home everyday and I enjoy it very much, but I feel like I don't know who I really am any more. I feel guilty and get "the looks" saying I should be working from various people. Monetary wise it would help to have me work, but we pay all of our bills. We aren't late on them, or very rarely, like if we just missed one by accident or something, but again that's very rare. No we can't just pick up and fly somewhere and I'm ok with that. So why do I feel guilty? Is it because we live paycheck to paycheck? Really there aren't any jobs, plus day care is over $200 a week for this area for one child. I don't want someone else raising my kid, plus the additional income would be going toward childcare, there's no point.

Somewhere in this whole process I question who I am now. I know I am a child of God and I am a wife and mother, that's not what I'm questioning. I just feel like I'm lost somewhere and I'm not sure where. I don't know who I am anymore. I try to take time to myself everyday, mainly going to the gym. Nowadays I don't hang out with people like I used to, I have few friends and that's partially by choice, but I guess that's the sacrifice you make when you chose to be an at home mom. Don't get me wrong I'm VERY excited to take Bradley to the zoo next week and the Play Museum the following week. I guess I just miss part of the old me.

I know I'm not alone in this. I have a close friend who feels the same way, a family member and an acquaintance who all feel this way. All of us are stay at home moms. I don't want to go back to work and I want to raise my child. I know this is best for all of us in my family and I am happy. So why the guilt over something I love?

The First Year

2009-05-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

So far I absolutely love the first year of my son's life. He has taught me much in the ways of being a mother, I couldn't ask for anything better. This is a video I took of him yesterday while he was crawling out of the bathroom. I tried to get it while he was banging on the toilet and laughing but by the time I got everything ready, he was crawling out of the bathroom. It's about a minute long. I hope you enjoy it. I promise this week I'll have another good point to bring up other then a video to brag about. I'm definitely one of those typical mothers who takes lots of pictures! :)

Adventures in Mothering

2009-05-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

In September I joined a group called MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers). Because of circumstances and me messing everything up in the sense of getting wrong dates, etc. I haven't been going since December. Regardless this years theme is, "Adventures in Mothering." I absolutely love the theme, especially since it hasn't even been a year yet that I'm a mom.

Mothering does take you on several adventures from happiness, frustration, tiredness, broken hearts and growing up. There are times when I look around and realize, I am turning into my own mother. Of course there are things I do different like.....well right now I can't think of one, but I do know I do something different, right? And of course there are things that are most definitely the same, such as.....well who knows right now, but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

In his eight months of life my little boy has grown in leaps and bounds. Today we were esctatic he stood up for the first time. Chris let go of his little arms and he was standing for quite awhile on his own, long enough where Chris was able to call me and I came running so I was able to see it. I did see it and I cheered and clapped like a little child. My baby boy smiled and laughed. Sometime we'll get it on video.

So in the lost world of staying at home with my child, I often forget about myself at times, many times actually. We have a daily schedule of:

7:30 Wake up, change diaper, give bottle
8:00 bowl of cereal, get daddy up
8:30 put dishes away from the night before, run over mommy's toes in Bradley's walker, pick up kitchen
9:00 Clean something, anything, make bed
9:30 Play with blocks, stuffed puppies, watch baby Einstein (if necessary), entertain Bradley
10:00-10:30 Change diaper, give bottle put to bed for first nap
10:30-1:00 Shower, clean, pick up, laundry, write, take a nap, return phone calls, pay bills (anything time permits really)
1:00 Get Bradley, change diaper
1:30 Feed Bradley lunch, pick up after lunch, clean kitchen again, fill dishwasher with dirty dishes
2:00 Try to entertain Bradley
3:30 Nap time
4:30 Bradley gets up, change diaper, give bottle, start dinner
4:45 Chris gets home, head to the gym (this is on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays)
6:15 Return home from the gym, eat dinner
6:45 Clean up after dinner, fill the rest of the dishwasher, wash dishes, clean kitchen again
7:00 Sweep, mop kitchen, give Bradley a bath if he needs it
8:00-8:30ish Try and get Bradley to sleep

Really somedays I have no idea where the day goes. So when my friend posted the Crazy Eights Survey and had my name on the list to fill it out, I thought I would and post it to see what I've actually done....here's the results.....

8 Things I look forward to:

1. Bradley's first steps
2. Alone time with my husband (no friends, no babies, just us)
3. Getting out of debt.
4. Spending time with my family
5. Saturdays - I just love them.
6. Having another baby,
7. Looking really good and in shape.
8. Definitely restful nights.

8 Things I did yesterday

1. Worked out at the gym for 1 hour and 20 minutes.
2. Revised some of my writing.
3. Got groceries.
4. Cried.
5. Mowed the lawn.
6. Talked to my best friend on the phone, plus talked and did text a couple other really good/best friends.
7. Watched episodes of "The Office."
8. Fell asleep on the couch.

8 Things I wish I could do:

1. Shop and never have to worry about money.
2. Eat all the food I want and never gain a pound.
3. Have a romantic evening, with no worries, hassles, drama, etc with my husband.
4. Have a perfectly clean house all the time.
5. Have more motivation (actually feel it, rather then telling myself) to workout and eat healthy.
6. Fit into a size 8!
7. Go on a family vacation for a few weeks.
8. Have beautiful family portraits taken.

8 Shows I watch on TV

1. The Biggest Loser
2. The Office
3.Law and Order - Special Victims Unit (there's a Florek who's an actor on there, I like to think he's my cousin)
4. Desperate Housewives
5. Judge Greg Matheis
6. The People's Court
7. Everybody Loves Raymond
8. Fox News

8 Favorite Books

1. Scriptures
2. Me Talk Pretty One Day
David Sedaris
3. The Children of Promise Series
Dean Hughes
4. The Secret Life of Bees
Sue Monk Kidd
5. The True Story of Hansel and Gretel
Louise Murphy
6. The Work & the Glory Series
Gerald N. Lund
7. The Giver
Lois Lowry
8. MA! There's Nothing to Do in Here!
Barbara Park

8 Things I love to do

1. Exercise (when in the mood and if not normally after I get to the gym and definitely after the workout I love it)
2. Cook/bake
3. Scrapbook
4. Writing
5. Spending time with family
6. Travel
7. Listen to music
8. Spend time with my husband

So how do these things relate? Well the answer is somewhat simple. After the adventures in mothering, your priorities change and what you can do. It's a humbling, yet rewarding experience. Sure this week is difficult with a crying infant but overall it's wonderful and I have gained a new appreciation for the finer and more simple things in life (although traveling with kids is not easy).

What Have You Done?

2009-05-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

As I drive home from my babysitters house I pass a billboard that says, "What have you done for your marriage today?" I often think about this now and it has come up in several conversations, with friends and with my husband. Sometimes I think we don't realize what we do for our marriage, but all in all I think it should be recognized, maybe not on a daily basis verbally but as long as we recognize it. An online statistic for the divorce rates in the US stated, "40-50% of first marriages end in divorce" and "According to statistics, second marriages fail at a rate of 60-67 percent, and third marriages fail at a rate of 73-74 percent" (Ezine Articles). It later states that communication is an issue followed by conflicts and arguments then infidelity. I think all of these would probably go hand in hand.

Chris and I tend to bicker and have our own arguments from time to time. But what we do is I end up forcing us to talk, not argue, about it. We discuss how it makes us feel and normally end with an apology and kiss. As for communication it truly is key to any relationship. We try and keep open communication with the both of us and it tends to work out. Nothing ends up being a surprise, or very rarely and we support one another, whether right or wrong.

Last night Chris and I discussed what we have done for our marriage today. We talked about how we made each other feel, etc. It was good. Chris had a very hard time coming up with what he felt he did for our marriage. He has done many great things, he just had a hard time recognizing them, so I told him what I felt he did well for our marriage that day.

So now I ask you..."What have you done for your marriage today?" If not married how about a relationship of some sort.

Reality of Sex After Baby

2009-04-29T13:40:00.000-07:00

This is a VERY rough draft.....

I always heard everything is different after you have kids. Well, I’ve only had one child so far and as far as I know, it is different. What I wasn’t expecting to change so drastically was sex that is until my friend had scared the crap out of me talking about it. Of course to her everything was fine and dandy because she had a cesarean. She kept bragging, with every right, how she was grateful she didn’t deliver vaginally because she “didn’t want anything to change down there,” or how “everything gets stretched out,” or how she “liked everything just the way it was.” I was jealous. My mind was filled about horror stories about how women hated sex now they had kids. I was terrified. Not only was I terrified about sex after birth but also I was afraid of stretch marks and what a magazine called, “breasts that now looked like deflated condoms.” I was ecstatic to be a mom but scared of losing my youth, scared of leaving my life as I knew it, scared of stretch marks, scared I would no longer be attractive to my husband let alone having any random guy flirt with me and I was scared of sex and “the changes down there.”

While in labor, I was excited. I was three weeks early and I hadn’t had any stretch marks that I was aware of. Of course this was the day I would also meet that little boy who was giving me heartburn, gas, indigestion and painful kicks. Literally the day before my Lamaze instructor was telling us how wonderful that feeling was once your baby was placed on your belly and how everything else in the room seemed to melt away. She reminded us how walking while in labor and sitting on an exercise ball would help tremendously. I preferred the method of vomiting and crying in the fetal position. After eight hours of labor I was delivering my baby. He was pushed down. The nurse had done an oil massage “down there” so I hopefully wouldn’t tear or have an episiotomy.

Turns out all the massage in the world wouldn’t have helped me as the doctor cut me. The changes down there already started to occur. Everything from here on out was different.
As my son was placed on my belly, the world didn’t fade away. In fact all I could think about was, “Holy shit, I’m a mother.” I felt my youth disappear as I was being sewed up. This little six pound thirteen ounce little boy depended on me for everything. Later I cried while thinking about our life together and the important people in my life he would never get to meet. I told him stories about our family and who they were, that way when he met them, he would already know deep in his heart how special they all were, just like he was to me.

A few weeks after being home, I remembered my promise to my husband. I would perform “special acts” for him, seeing how we couldn’t have sex for six weeks. When the time came, I didn’t do much, hardly anything for him while he rubbed my back, as I lied next to him. All I wanted was my back rubbed. He tried touching my breasts but they hurt, they were too tender. But the back rub, felt so good. I wanted to just sleep. Sleep, it would be nice to sleep, the baby is sleeping, and I should too.

Shortly after our non-existent ordeal, I decided I would take a look “down there.” It was my body, I have every right to. I was horrified. How on earth could my husband even look at me? I cried, I sobbed and I screamed quietly in my head. My heart plummeted as I felt even more unattractive then what I already did. When my husband came home, he asked to see. I was very reluctant to show him but after some tears and complaining on my part, plus encouragement on my husband’s I spread my legs and showed him, nervous, very nervous. He said it wasn’t that bad. So our life went on.

The day before my six-week appointment we decided we would have sex. I wasn’t sure why he would want to have sex with me. I was cut up to my clitoris and this is what had upset me the most. We decided we would go very slowly and my husband would be very gentle, I was afraid it would hurt. As we started, we realized it was ok. Then the baby started crying. We stopped. We got the baby to sleep and then started again. The baby started crying again. This time Chris went in to check on him. After calming him down, we started again. The baby started up again. I checked on him. He stopped. We started. The baby started crying, we went at it. He finished. I finished. We looked at the clock. My husband said, “Those were the best four minutes of my life.” It was quick but it was nice. We checked on the baby, we got him to stop crying again.

So what about those changes and fears I had? To tell you the truth, I’ve never enjoyed sex so much in my life. Of course now we are lucky to do it once a week and it’s a real treat to do it twice a week. But while giving birth vaginally something did change “down there” and whatever it was that moved or changed, caused me to enjoy sex much more then I ever had before.

Now that my son is nearly eight months old my dilemma is what happened to it all. If we do have the time to do it, normally all I want to do is sleep. Chasing around a nearly eight month old who is very active is tiring, not to mention there’s laundry, dishes, a dog, cat, cleaning and the endlessness of picking up, not only is it after myself, a destructive dog, an infant but a husband who sometimes I wonder if he gets it. As for romancing, I often ask what romance is nowadays. Every once in awhile I hope for a surprise, but normally it’s him rubbing my leg and touching my breasts. Don’t get me wrong when we do have sex I make sure most of the time I enjoy it too, but there are sometimes I let it happen and sometimes I wonder if he’s even interested in pleasing me or just getting off for himself.

Then there are the days when I really want sex like no other, and I think about my husband all day long. Unfortunately ninety percent of the time something happens and we argue. I don’t end up getting what I want. So frustrated I wait for another day or another time. Maybe I’ll get my hair played with or a back rub. That would make it nice.

Finally you have days where the two of you try too hard to make it happen, although the baby is fussy and won’t cooperate, he won’t sleep and when he does, you both are tired.

Sex after one kid is hard. It’s hard to keep a spark or get your partner interested unless you talk about it beforehand, which isn’t very enticing. For some I guess they don’t enjoy it as much but for me the act of sex I enjoy very much, it’s just the spontaneity that is gone.`

Grateful

2009-04-27T16:52:00.000-07:00

I am eternally grateful for my friends. This past week has been good, a few hiccups and I'm sure some of you know what they are. I am not a person who has a lot of friends for the simple reason there's so few people who don't add drama to your life or make a mountain out of a mole hill. For the friends I have I just want you to know I absolutely love you guys. I do have so very few of you and just had a reality check why I keep so few of you. Thank goodness!

Rachael - This week I'd go crazy without you. You are down to Earth and overall just a good and wonderful person. Who else would I skip going to the gym with in order to tan! Tan or walk?!? I'm glad you think the same as me and think TAN!! Thank you for all you do!

Brooke - I don't think anyone could understand our jobs in the military like you and I last summer. It was so nice to be able to have your support and to stand up to people when my job wouldn't allow it. Thank you so very much! I can't wait until you are back from Iraq!

Kari - You are genuine and are not afraid to tell it how it is. You're realistic and crazy when we need to be crazy and laugh. I love it. Thank you so much.

Jeni - You are genuine and selfless. You have nothing but good words to say about people and are always VERY optimistic.

Footcrow - We haven't talked in forever but oftentimes I look back at the old days and just laugh. I know if I needed to lean on you now you would be there for me. Thank you so much.

Desi - You can light up any room. I haven't talked to you in ages but will always have a place in my heart.

Emily - I don't really know you yet but you are by far one of the sweetest people I know and have such a good spirit about you.

Erin - You are the thoughts in my head. If I think it, you end up saying it. You are crazy fun and hilarious.

Hollie - I am SO GLAD you are my sister in law (well almost). There isn't a nicer more fun person from California I'd want to hang out with and besides who else would I be able to live out my Nancy Drew fetish with. :)

Lindsey - I wish you still lived in NY. I miss you like crazy. You cry with me when I need to cry and you laugh with me when I need to laugh. You have always been there for me and I am so lucky to have you as one of my best friends. Who else would fly to NY just for a day to throw me a baby shower and who was willing to do it a second time, without being asked. You are so giving, you always sacrifice for others.

Renae - I call you just about everyday and somedays I have no idea what I would do without you, you are one of my best friends. You are so realistic that I would go crazy not having you around. You are real, not fake and are not afraid to say what you think is right or wrong and I appreciate that. We have been through so much together I am grateful for you beyond words.

Dad - If you figure out the computer and learn how to find my blog, I just want you to know you set the standard for so many things in my life. You have taught me how to be an adult and when it's ok to have fun and when it's ok to be serious. I couldn't have asked for a better father.

Mom - Everyday I wonder how the heck you kept the house clean while we were children. One of my fondest and earliest memories is of you teaching me the alphabet with flashcards you made. I contribute you to leading me to graduate with my English Degree. You spend those most important years with us, while dad was in the military and you taught us well.

Chad - I have never met anyone who is willing to give it all for someone like you. You are very strong and very brave. I couldn't have asked for a better example as a brother and this is why your nephew bears your name as well.

And FINALLY......

Chris - You have grown and changed so much. You are a terrific father and a wonderful husband. You have more patience then anyone I know. I am so grateful and lucky to have you in my life. I wouldn't trade you for anyone. I love you forever.

Bradley - You are too little to understand the ways you have blessed my life. Maybe someday you will, but everyday when someone says how happy you are for a baby or when I see you laugh it's a reminder of how special you really are.

I love all of you and I couldn't ask for better people and examples in my life. You all have touched my life in a very special way and I want you all to know how much I appreciate each and every one of you.

Bradley's Week

2009-04-23T16:20:00.001-07:00

Let me tell you Bradley has had a week that I just can't believe! My little bundle of joy is growing up, is VERY active, getting into everything and is well....just read on....

Sunday - went to church. Bradley was quiet during the passing of the sacrament, however was VERY interested in the trays. After sacrament he decided he wanted to stand up and no longer take his bottle. He would turn around and "talk" to the people behind him. My whole sacrament meeting was trying to apologize to people and pay what little attention I could. Ask me what church was about and my answer is....I have no clue.

Monday - I went to the gym. When I got home, he was choking on something he found on the floor. We chalked it up as fuzz or something.

Tuesday - Bradley pulled himself to the standing position and was holding onto the coffee table. He fell, hit his lip and cut his eyelid. I called the doctor they weren't worried, said he may swell a little and he may have his first shiner. Pictures are on Thursday. Of course this happened. Mother in law called, asked if she could live with us. I ran two miles at the gym. Came home from the gym to see Bradley stained in purple and Daddy with resolve in his hand. Apparently Bradley spilled Daddy's cherry coke all over the carpet, papers, magazines and himself. Daddy found him slurping soda off the end table. It was Bradley's first experience ever having soda. Bradley was very cranky. Mommy was cranky and tired.

Wednesday - Cranky baby. Had very poopy pants, have no idea what it was from, probably the fuzz. Daddy went to change his diaper on the floor, I was there to help in anyway. We lifted the poopy diaper and noticed, Bradley poop was smeared on our carpet. Resolve works wonders.

Thursday - The sweet little angel wouldn't take a morning nap. I tried to cuddle with him in our bed with his bottle. Bradley held his bottle to his mouth, drank some then stuck it in my mouth. He's very good at sharing with Mommy. Bradley continued to share with me until his bottle was empty. After about an hour he finally took a nap. Went to get pictures taken at Sears. Bradley cried. After he was settled and comfortable it was hard to even get him to smile once. Lucky for us we got a discount.

Oh the challenges of being a mother. I absolutely love them, although I am VERY tired right now, and it's not even 8:00pm.

My Goals....

2009-04-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

Well my fitness trainer (Chrissy) had all of us write down what our goals were and here are mine:

1. Fit into my size 10 cute white summer dress (I can zip it up now but it's hard to breathe and I have back fat).

2. Look and FEEL good in a two piece (or ANY bathing suit).

3. Fit better in my clothes and hopefully a few pre-pregnancy bottoms.

4. Do either 5K or 10K at the 10Kan run (if I'm not pregnant)

5. Feel good AND attractive about myself - weight was ALWAYS an issue, even when I was A LOT skinnier and in good shape.

6. Go down a pant size.

7. Have people surprised I'm a mom.

8. Be hit on again - I lost it all when I got pregnant the first time and I don't think my husband even found me attractive and it's hard today to think he does.

Well word for word that's what I handed in. I think it's good to post them, a constant reminder. I'm focused and will be focused for awhile I hope....LOL We'll see I guess.

My Selfishness

2009-04-20T08:21:00.000-07:00

Well pretty much since the miscarriage I have decided I'm going to focus a lot more on myself. I'm going to be selfish. Pretty much I'm going to the gym all the time, I've lost three pounds so far, I've been changing my eating habits and I've been tanning. I just got my hair done again and I'm looking forward to taking time to myself everyday. I definitely enjoy it, there's nothing more then that. I still want to lose twenty to thirty more pounds. I am also halfway out of the military. I've been released from ROTC and my unit is working on discharging me as we speak. I have made several goals for myself, my personal trainer at the gym wanted all of us to and at one point or another I'll post them, but not today. I also have written a story, true story, and at some point after much revision I'll post that too. But pretty much I'm focusing more on myself and I love it. I have been going to the gym almost every day (except Sunday) and doing whatever it is during the day to make myself feel good. I want to look rockin' this summer and it makes me wonder if I really want to start trying for our other baby in June or wait just a little longer, not much longer though.

Of course Bradley is still my little angel and he's growing in leaps and bounds. Currently he still pulls himself up everywhere and scoots to where he needs to while holding onto something, like the coffee table or couch. He also crawls like a big boy now and before I know it he'll be walking. He says, "Dad," "Dadda," "Mom," and "Mama," plus "Hi," but of course he doesn't know what he's really saying. Right now he prefers mommy over daddy and crawls to me, pulls on my pant leg when crying, will pull himself up my pant leg and just want to be held or played with. I'm so lucky to have a little angel like him and he truly is my little angel.

Chris is doing well, he has been studying a lot. I'm VERY proud of him. He now says he's hit his stride in school. I am very proud of him and very lucky to be his wife. I couldn't ask for a more patient husband then him and even though he drives me crazy sometimes in the middle of all of it he makes me laugh. I love him very much and wouldn't want any other husband.

Accomplished

2009-04-06T16:56:00.001-07:00

If anyone knows me, I'm definitely a list person. Normally I don't get the list finished, maybe half if I'm lucky. Today I actually made a list of ten things and got them all done today!

1. Laundry - I started and finished all the laundry in one day! I actually am caught up on all of it and I have no clue what to do with myself!

2. Take trash out - Chris forgot to this morning so I did and it definitely made the kitchen a lot cleaner, not to mention I lost Leo in the whole process of it all.

3. Pick up living room - with an infant, one year old dog and ten week old kitten, this could be a challenge but while they were either outside (dog and cat only of course) and Bradley was sleeping, I actually accomplished it.

4. Dust downstairs - While Bradley was sleeping

5. Windex downstairs - Again while Bradley was sleeping

6. Vacuum downstairs - He slept through this one too.

7. Put dishes away - done.

8. Directions for Chris - I was supposed to be at the gym for an hour workout session today, so I pre-made dinner. I left directions for Chris how to finish cooking the rest of it, which was putting it in the oven.

9. Put clothes away - Just finished

10. Mail coupon list - sounds little but it would have sat on my counter forever if I hadn't done something about it.

Turns out I did have the time and motivation to go to the gym, trust me it hurts my biceps and triceps to even type this. Who knew those muscles were used in typing as well. Not only did I accomplish all of that, but I am writing a blog, played a lot with Bradley today, read him a book, until he started eating the pages, PLUS had my dad over for a visit earlier. It was great! Tomorrow it looks like it's going to be a busy day as well. I think I'll read for awhile.....crazy!

Moving On....Slowly

2009-03-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

Well after Saturday nights events.....Sunday was ok. Chris was right there with me and we have a family day. We didn't do anything and it was a bit solemn but it was ok.

Monday was very hard and I cried a lot. I was alone a lot because Chris had school and I don't think I would have wanted to stay home anyway.

Tuesday I was so grateful Chris was home. I couldn't have asked for anything better, through a very difficult time. Tuesday I was having contractions and my water broke. Finally we delivered the baby at home. It was one of the most physically painful experiences I ever had. On top of the mess it made, the doctors wanted us to bring it in for lab testing. Chris tried his best to find it in our toilet and he grabbed what he could but it wasn't the baby. I'm kind of grateful.

Shortly thereafter, the doctors had us come in for an appointment. I was still dizzy so they sent me to the ER. They thought I lost too much blood. Six hours in the ER later....I was released. I didn't need blood. They did an ultrasound and yes I did "pass the baby." They were contemplating surgery but decided to hold off. I'll find out coming Tuesday if my pregnancy hormone is going down enough, if not strap on the gas mask, I'm having surgery.

Wednesday was an overall good day. We got a black kitten with white armpits. We call him Mr. Bojangles. He loves to cuddle.

Thursday was kind of depressing.

And today friends of ours are in labor and called me for advise on how to get through it! Oh geesh! So even though a life was lost another one this very moment is getting ready to come into the world. Chris and I may possibly drive up to help with the labor process because their family isn't around. She's been in labor since 1am....making it.....eleven hours and she's only 1 and a half centimeters dialated! Oh poor Tabitha!!! So hopefully we can help and in the end it'll help me overcome some sadness. Overall though, we are getting through it. There may be some rough patches in the way but we are strong. I am very grateful for the support of my friends and family and of course the flowers and food!!! Thank you all.

Perfectly Imperfect

2009-03-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

The day seemed to be going perfect. Our house was cleaned, the cooking was done and all we had left to do was wait for the guests to arrive. I was tired, but so wasn’t Chris and the baby had just fallen asleep for an afternoon nap.
Once our guests arrived things were great. Bradley was excited to see a bunch of new faces and the food was finally being eaten. It was fabulous. That evening we all sat down to play cards. Everyone was in and out of the bathroom, because they had been drinking and it was quite noisy. I went in to use our toilet and was trying to hurry because I KNOW someone is going to walk in on me, but then I got scared. I was bleeding. All I could think was, “I’m not supposed to bleed and I hadn’t bled like this during the last pregnancy.”
I walked out of the bathroom as quickly and as calmly as I could. I called Chris’s name. He couldn’t hear me above the crowded noise. I called him again. He looked and I said I really needed to talk to him. He came over. “I’m bleeding. And I’m bleeding more then I did last time.”
“Well call your doctor, everything will be ok.” Alcohol reeked from his breath.
I called. They took a message and I waited. If it was longer then twenty minutes before I got a call back, then I had to call again.
Chris tried to console me, slurring his speech, saying it’s going to be fine. I cried. I pushed him away. Why couldn’t he be sober? He said he wasn’t really going to drink much.
Chris went to the office to look up miscarriages online. I went down to talk to one of my friends to see if she could stay. She said of course and called work.
The hospital was calling. It was a resident. Hmmmm. Not a real doctor.
“Well,” she said, “It’s normal to bleed a little while you are pregnant, especially if you have had sex.”
“Look, I know what’s normal. This isn’t normal. I have bled previously because of sex, it doesn’t fill a tissue paper and isn’t bright red.”
“Well, I’ll page Doctor Paul and see what she says. She may have you come in just to be checked out. If you don’t hear back within twenty minutes call the hospital again.”
I waited. Doctor Paul called within five minutes. She wants me to come in and get an ultrasound and see what’s going on. I said ok and cried. Chris came in and I told him what we needed to do. I told him he couldn’t drive. He drank too much. “I’m fine.” He slurred.
I repeated he wasn’t driving and then said, “I guess I should pack something.” I grabbed a big black canvas tote and didn’t know what to pack, so I just threw in a pair of underwear. If I was miscarrying, all I could think of was I would need new underwear.
We went downstairs. I put on my shoes. Chris pulled a few of his friends outside. I grabbed everyone’s attention inside. I didn’t want them to think we were being rude. I told them the doctor thinks I may be miscarrying and we had to go to the ER.
I couldn’t find my purse. I was freaking out, screaming and yelling at whoever got in my way because I couldn’t find it. I needed it. Chris grabbed the car keys and said he would look in the car. I yelled at him that he wasn’t driving. He said he knew. My purse was in the car.
We left and I drove. We didn’t talk the entire time, only when I questioned, forty-five minutes later where I should park.
We got to the hospital and Chris said he had to pee and couldn’t hold it. He ran in the parking lot out of sight. I wasn’t going to wait for him. I didn’t want to wait for him, so I started walking, alone, to the emergency room door. Chris caught up. The smell of liquor made me want to vomit.
They called my name as I was registering. The receptionist said Chris could finish the paperwork for me. I went in double doors. They took my blood pressure, temperature and story of what was happening. I hoped I was being paranoid. The nurses just said, “We’ll see.”
They gave me a bag with a cup in it. They wanted me to pee. I didn’t want to pee. I didn’t want to see the blood again. But I did what they asked. They then told me to go to the waiting room until I was called.
When they called my name, my obnoxiously drunk husband came with me. They took viles of blood, one to see if I was pregnant. It didn’t make sense to me, so I asked why. “Couldn’t they figure that out from the urinalysis? Am I still pregnant?”
The nurse looked at me. “It should be posted on the computer. I’ll go check.”
He came back. “It’s not posted, but I’m sure it’s in your chart.” He drew my blood and took me to my room.
They hooked me up with an IV. A saline drip. It was cold. It made me cold. Chris covered me with a blanket. He started sifting through all the stuff they had in the room. It pissed me off.
We waited. We waited until my IV was gone. We waited longer then that.
Chris finally called the nurse, slurring demands on getting help. She went to see what was going on. They were taking me to get an ultrasound. Tom, he’s the guy that wheeled me in my bed upstairs to the tech.
I don’t remember the tech’s name. But she was nice. I went to the bathroom twice in her care. The room was dark, very low lighting. She said either way she wouldn’t be able to give us any answers.
She did the test. And we saw the baby. The precious little thing was just sitting there. Arms in front of him, just sitting there. We asked questions and she couldn’t and wouldn’t answer, but I knew at that time.
When she left all I could think to do was to ask Chris if he thought the baby was alive. He said yes. Then I asked him why the baby wasn’t moving. He suggested the baby was sleeping. Then I asked if he was just saying that to make me feel better or if he really meant it. He said he meant it.
I was wheeled back to my room. It wasn’t Tom this time. We got there and we waited. We waited more and then the doctor came in. It was hard to understand him; he had a heavy accent, “The baby’s heart stopped. Ok. The baby’s heart stopped.”
I just stared at him.
“Ok. The baby’s heart stopped. Do you understand?”
“So the baby’s not alive?”
“No.”
I turned, looked up at the ceiling, but I didn’t see it. I gasped. I tried to hold it in, but it didn’t work. I looked over at Chris whose head was down on my bed.
The doctor said he would be back and he left. He had to wait for the official word.
I gathered myself and saw my husband’s eyelashes puddle with tears, eyes glazed over. “Why,” he asked. “I have such bad luck.”
I reminded him he didn’t believe in luck. He said nothing goes right for him, it’s all wrong. I reminded him he has a little boy at home who loves him very much and a dog that absolutely adores him. I reminded him how much I loved him.
He wanted to call his brother. I gave him my cell phone and he bent down to give me a kiss and all I could do was sob. Then I gathered myself and he left.
When he came back the nurse came back shortly thereafter. The doctor wanted to “scrape some tissue away.” We just wanted to go home. The nurse kept apologizing to us. The doctor let us go home. We couldn’t just leave. The nurse came in and I had to sign some papers. I didn’t want to because it meant my baby was dead. It was the hardest most difficult time I ever had signing my name.
We left after two in the morning. We had been there five hours. We decided we would call family the next day and send everyone else an email or text message. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or see anyone I knew.
When we got home, we took Bradley, who was awake, into our arms, gave him a hug and a kiss. He slept with mommy and daddy that night and all the next day when he took naps.
As I sit and type, I am still pregnant, carrying an unborn lifeless child, who will never have a name, other then Baby Campos. We will never know whether Bradley would have had a little brother or little sister but we can dream that one day he will.

Wonderful Vacation

2009-03-15T06:17:00.000-07:00

Well trust me when I say I definitely have more pictures to add, I just have to download them. But here are pictures from our trip that came off either my phone or Chris's phone...

Day One...

We went from Oswego to DC and stayed at the Grand Hyatt. Now I had been taking care of Bradley all day and was anxious to go. I also had been cleaning our house all day so when we left for a six hour car ride, I was wearing a t-shirt and old yoga pants. When we arrived at the hotel needless to say I was WAY underdressed, especially since we just parked behind a corvette! That night we had room service and went to bed. The next day we took Bradley swimming for the first time and took pictures, which we will add to this blog later. Then we saw the sights. We went to the Lincoln Monument, WWII Memorial (which brought me to tears), National Monument and the Treasury Building. From there we drove to NC and arrived at Chad's house. Bradley didn't take any naps while we were sightseeing, well for maybe fifteen minutes tops. But he was very pleasant.

Day Two....

Chad said he wanted to take us to the drop zone where he skydives from. We thought this was ok. He told Chris he had to wear sneakers and Chris told me I had to wear sneakers. I was embarrassed because I thought I looked like a geek, capris and sneakers. Oh well. Turns out Chad was going to throw Chris from a plane and make him skydive. I didn't have to wear sneakers at all! Well it was too windy so we ended up going to an indoor wind tunnel, which teaches you how to skydive. When you are pregnant you can't do this either, but Chad had Chris do it and we have pictures and a video of it too. Although the video we can't post online. It was great. Bradley became a little grumpy but was too interested in seeing people fly through the air tunnel to sleep.

Day Three....Monday.....

We went to Camp Leguene and picked up Uncle Rudy. He took us to a Mongolian BBQ and had lunch. From there we went back to Chad's house and relaxed. Uncle Rudy (Chris's brother) met Bradley for the first time. He thinks he's a great mix of the both of us. Bradley was too interested in staring at Uncle Rudy to sleep. We think he was confused who daddy was at first.

Day Four....Tuesday....

We all went to the Asheboro Zoo. We forgot our camera so ended up taking lots of photos from the phones. Bradley went on a child's jeep ride, where you put in a couple quarters and it moves back and forth. He was scared at first but then enjoyed it. He LOVED the ducks and pufans (kind of like little penguins). Even though we had the stroller everyone took turns holding him and enjoying time with Bradley. Bradley definitely skipped his nap this day too. There was so much to see. Rather then walking ALL the way back to the beginning of the zoo we took the zoo bus. Bradley fell asleep in daddy's lap and his head on mommy's arm in a matter of seconds. He had such an awesome day.

Day Five....Wednesday....

Mexican was called for! We ate lunch at this great Mexican restaurant where Uncle Chad tricked Chris into speaking Spanish. Chris was trying to order and was doing a great job. I ordered chicken fajitas and the waiter asked if I wanted chicken or pollo. I was the only one who understood they were the same thing. After lunch we went to the Special Operations Museum in Fayetteville where Chris, Rudy and I went on a simulated ride in order to see what it's like in a HMMMV and helicopter, which we already knew but it was fun anyway. From there we went to the actual museum part and got a bit of history of the Special Operations section of the Army. Bradley thought the manequinns were real as he smiled at each one we went up to. Bradley again was way too interested to sleep.

Day Six...Thursday....

Pretty much the boys stayed home and Chad and I did errands around Fayetteville area. When we got back all we did was hang out and watch Star Wars which I enjoyed. Bradley did take a nap this day.

Day Seven....Friday...

We said goodbye to Chad and wished him luck in Afghanistan. My brother leaves in about a month for another year, well we hope it's only another year. We drove Uncle Rudy home, said goodbye. From there we drove to DC again and stayed at the Double Tree hotel. We all got dressed up and went to a VERY nice dinner that overlooked the DC Skyline. Our hotel was right across the street from the Pentagon. The wait staff was very nice to Bradley and he very much enjoyed the apple juice and pasta and bread they gave him. Chris and I both ate meals with shrimp and lobster in them. My mouth waters just thinking about it. After that we went back to our room and went to bed.

Day Eight....Saturday....

Chris got up early and headed to the gym. After the gym Bradley and I went swimming and Chris watched. The pool was on the fourteenth floor and overlooked DC, it was nice but the water felt cold. Bradley loved his little floaty. After swimming I went down to a cafe in the hotel and got us sandwiches. Bradley slept in our room with daddy. After we ate, we went to the Holocaust Museum, where I discovered four of my family names have been recognized as rescuers in the Holocaust. I'm not sure how yet, but I'll find out. I bought a couple of books and I am MORE than excited to do family history now, plus help Chris with his. Talk about motivation! From there we drove home and got home VERY late.

Sometime during the whole trip Bradley cut his bottom teeth, both of them! The poor boy was miserable for a day (the day Chad and I went and did errands). All Bradley wanted was his mommy and that made me feel very loved, but at the same time restricted me from being able to pack, etc. But it all worked out and Bradley is a bit happier now. We can feel his little teeth, they just have to finish pushing through!

Overall the trip was WONDERFUL and I was sad it had to end so soon and we had to say goodbye to warm weather and family.

Finish a Book

2009-03-05T06:08:00.000-08:00

So my goal was to finish a book in the near future.....turns out I did! I just finished it this morning, it's The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. It was fantastic and I highly recommend it to everyone. I first I could only read maybe a page because of the baby but then I realized this week I'd read while he took a nap and turns out I finished it quite quickly.

I highly recommend reading the book. It's definitely easy reading. It's about this girl who grew up in the 60's who is struggling with identity really. She feels the responsibility of killing her mother when she was just four years old, she picked up a gun, it went off and accidentally killed her. She comes from an unloving relationship with her father and is struggling to find ANY sort of information about her mother, yet she can't come to find out the truth of her mother if she keeps telling lies. The book is fantastic! I recommend it.

As for everything else, I'm having company come over today, have to finish cleaning (only have to clean the bedroom, do laundry and clean the kitchen), pack, go to an appointment and not go insane then I'm all set for the day. I'm excited and hoping I get it all done. AND as of right now I'm feeling alright. I can't complain there.

Well anyway this is short because I have a lot to do.

Creepy Crawly

2009-03-03T13:13:00.000-08:00

So as I am typing this blog, my son is sitting in my lap, watching everything. Who knows how well this will turn out. As for this week. I was feeling great until about an hour and a half ago. Now I'm back to feeling sick. But I'm making it through.

I am very excited about our trip on Friday. I just hope it comes soon! It feels like the time is creeping by, which doesn't make sense because there is so much to do.

The past few days, when I get a free chance I have been reading one of my books, The Secret Life of Bees. As of right now I am HOOKED on it. I absolutely love it! I want nothing more right now then to find out what the heck is going on and if this fourteen year old girl is going to finally open up to someone.

Now for the creepy crawly of it all....Bradley, at six months, is crawling everywhere! It's a low crawl with his head up and he just goes wherever he pleases. We now look at him one minute and the next minute he is lost. Chris said his heart sank one day when he couldn't find him, turns out he made his way into the closet.

It's absolutely amazing to me to see how much my little boy is growing. We have most definitely included a video of him doing his creepy crawly and soon we know he's going to be a little mad man crawling like crazy.

Oh the Joys of Carrying

2009-02-27T04:07:00.000-08:00

So things have been a little rough in the Campos household. Not so much in the sense of burdens or anything else, but being pregnant. Last time it pretty much felt like a breeze, this time....not so much. I am VERY sick. Most of the time at night I can't sleep well, I'm normally up VERY early. I'm sick from around 10am on. It's horrible! My doctor told me to follow the BRAT diet....Broth, bananas...Rice, Rice Cereal, Apple Sauce, Tea and Toast. The first day toast was the only thing that sounded good to me. Thank goodness Chris is picking up some of my slack and even Bradley is helping out.

Bradley has slept through the night the past two nights! I am VERY excited about this.

He is definitely growing up and moving. I felt horrible and my heart melted yesterday as he fell off my bed!!! He has a little bump on his head and his lip, I feel like a horrible mom, but by the end of the night (it happened in the afternoon) you couldn't even tell he had a bump on his head. H cried for maybe a minute. I cried for much longer. He's turning into an all boy that's for sure. Since his fall, he crawled (more like scooted and rolled) his way under the coffee table where he hit his head again. THEN as I was doing dishes I gave him a wooden spoon to play with where he hit his head twice with it. I just can't win. So I had a very sad mommy day yesterday.

But on the plus side of things, Bradley got a new toy (was supposed to be for Easter but Chris thought he should have it now). He loves it! It's got a phone and all these buttons to push to make a ton of noises. On top of all of that we are all going to drive down to DC on Friday and stay the night, go on a tour the next morning, then drive to NC for a week and spend time with Uncle Chad and Uncle Rudy (both are deploying again to Afghanistan).

The Perfect Valentine

2009-02-15T06:49:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was absolutely perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better Valentine's Day or a better Valentine.

Throughout the week I had been giving Chris his Valentine's Presents (a Pittsburgh Steelers Terrible Towel, Steelers Pajama Pants and Tapatio Sauce, which is hard to find around here). So when Chris woke up on Valentine's morning he had pretty much everything. I had planned our babysitter coming to watch Bradley at 4:30 and we would go to dinner at The Outback Steakhouse in Syracuse, followed by a game of laser tag with some friends.

I have never seen Chris so happy and giddy as he woke up. I was in the nursery with Bradley, trying to get him to go to sleep. Chris came to the door and had a childlike smile on his face. His eyes looked pure and jolly. He smiled, crouched his shoulders in together and rubbed his hands. Then his smile got bigger and then he said, "Hold on a second," and left running down the hall like an excited child.

When he returned a few seconds later, his eyes still twinkling, he asked if I was ready to have my Valentine. I of course said yes and then he handed me a white index card that said, "Girls are made of spice and everything nice." I ran downstairs and looked in the spice cupboard. There was another index card, "Bradley got one before you and I did." This was a little confusing at first. I asked Chris if I complained about it and he said yes. His walker is a jeep, Chris and I both wanted a jeep for years. I ran to the jeep and under the steering wheel there was another one...."Bathroom Burritos." What the heck are bathroom burritos? I looked downstairs. Chris told me to think about it.....the only thing I could think of is burritos give people gas, or make them poop. I looked in the toilet....nothing....I kept looking. I ran upstairs to that bathroom....the towels!!! I roll them up in a basket, they look like burritos! The next clue..."Keys to information." This one was easy, under the keyboard in the office. Then the last one..."My standing night light gloating ore, never more." A line from Shakespeare? What the heck. I checked by the baby's night light. I then went to our bedroom. Chris and I sat on the bed. He said it was tough. I checked by his nightstand.

"Is it in here?"

"Yes."

I just started opening the drawer to my nightstand. Nothing. I opened the drawer to his and there was a bag from a jewelery store. Inside it was a box. I opened up the velvet box and there was a beautiful Open Heart Shaped necklace. I put it on immediately. Chris LOVED making the treasure hunt and I loved searching.

Later that night we went to Outback and it was about an hour and a half before we were seated, but we sat at the bar, Chris tried Australian beer, I had a coke and we had some grilled shrimp appetizers. After being seated, I ordered crab legs with a steak cooked medium (it came with a baked potato too) and Chris ordered a rack of lamb with cesaer salad and mashed potatoes. We polished dinner off with a pecan brownie dessert with ice cream and headed to the mall. We bought ourselves our bathing suits for the summer and then headed to The Fun Junction in Cicero to play laser tag. Chris and I took pictures in a photo booth, bowled, raced Jared several times in a race car game, shot at wild buffalo and then played laser tag. It was a ton of fun and we talked about it the entire night!

Finally we went home, paid the babysitter, watched a little TV to unwind and headed upstairs. Needless to say it was a perfect Valentine's Day and it had been a long time since I have had that much fun goofing around and overall just having such a great day. I hope I never forget it.

Grateful for my Husband

2009-02-12T13:16:00.000-08:00

So I was driving home today from a meeting and I was realizing how lucky I am to have such a nice and wonderful husband. It's the hi-lite of my life. Not only has he been helping me out the past two days (once he got home from school) and giving me a much needed break but he's actually listening to me and helping me out in other areas. Overall we are just working together and doing well together. We of course have had our struggles in the past, I don't know a couple that hasn't, but he's more understanding during this pregnancy. The past few days I have looked at him and I'm just plain enjoying our time together. We are just having it good right now.

Chris, if you are reading this, I want to let you know how proud I am of you. You have changed a lot since the first time I have met you, we both have. You are a wonderful person and a great father to your son. I know you'll be wonderful to the next baby as well. I am very fortunate to have you in my life and I know you don't believe everything happens for a reason, but I do and I know we are perfect for one another. You definitely put up with my crap (begging to give you facials and play with your hair, etc) and my nagging to keep the house clean or a certain way. I think we are good for each other and there is nowhere else I'd rather be then here with you. These past few days, even though we haven't done anything special, have been special to me and I'm very grateful for you. I love you and I hope you never forget that nor question it. I am very thankful for you. I love you very much.

Love Always,
Jenny

The Stresses of Life

2009-02-11T04:49:00.000-08:00

So pretty much I'm now trying to get out of the military and ROTC for the reason that now I'm going to be a mommy of two, only thirteen months apart. Getting out of the military isn't the problem at all, it's getting out of ROTC.

Apparently they don't follow the same rules as the ARMY. I have to breech my contract in some way in order to get out. Well guess what I never did. And pregnancy isn't a way to get out of ROTC at all. Almost a year ago I already finished my requirements to commission, but they wouldn't commission me because I was pregnant. So now I'm currently stuck in limbo for the next year unless I prove hardship, which is definitely what I have going on and it only confirmed itself even more so yesterday. I mentioned the two kids, a high risk pregnancy this time, insurance issues, my husbands difficulties regarding having PTSD and back problems that leave him immobile, plus our closest immediate family is three hours away and my closest extended family is an hour and a half. I'm stressed.

And last night as I came into our office there Chris was trying to do homework, with problems with his back, leaning over the computer chair typing on his knees. I guess I just can't win. To make matters better I heard on average the process for ROTC takes about nine months and I may have to get my senators, etc involved, because we need it to move fast or I can't get out of the military as easy. It's a mess but hopefully it will be straightened out soon.

As for everything else, my son refused to sleep last night and anytime he was almost there the phone rang, plus I didn't get a break, which my husband will provide, instead I got complaints about how laundry wasn't done. Right now I feel like a maid and a nanny.

Hopefully today will be better.

Bradley Growing

2009-02-06T06:11:00.000-08:00

So we have a quiz on the side of my blog and a baby ticker on the very bottom. For some reason I couldn't get the ticker to fit all the way on the side.

Pretty much Chris and I are realizing how fast our little boy is growing. He's not driving a car or anything but he is growing fast and a little faster then we thought he was. We are posting a clip of our son, this was from last week. He was playing with the keyboard and successfully programmed some sort of sounds we couldn't get off the computer for about a day or so. He's going to be a computer nut just like Daddy.

A few days ago Chris was feeding the baby, well it turns out Chris put his food on the tray for the highchair. Bradley had just learned how to dump out his toys from a little bucket he has, so he was imitading the same concept. All I heard was, "Bradley!" When Chris told me what happened all I could do was laugh.

So I have a very hard time swallowing pills. The doctor had given me chewable prenatal vitamins. Yesterday was our first day taking them (before I was taking Flinstones). First off the container is hard as all heck to open. They say they are child proof, well they are adult proof too. Chris even had more of a difficult time opening them then he thought he would.

After they were opened we took a sniff....citrus....I asked Chris if he wanted one. He declined. I took my chewable for the day and thought, "It's not so bad." Then it hit. The citrus flavor quickly changed to something bitter and chalky. I couldn't even swallow this! It was horrible. As I choked it down I was reading the label. "Take with a full glass of water." Of course. No wonder why they wanted you to douse your mouth with a liquid substance.

This morning as I was staring down the bottle I realized it said something about your bowel movements and urine. Apparently it's not uncommon for them to change color. Great I wonder if I'll have purple poop.

Throughout all of this, it reminded me of how my mother would force me to choke down my dinner. I was normally just a hotdog and beans type of girl. It was my favorite. A couple years ago in school I had to write a very short piece about food, which I'm sure needs editing, but the choking of the pills reminded me of this piece.

Enjoy.

The Worst Pork Chops Ever

I sat there and stared at the meat soaked in what my family thought was a delicious sustenance. The pork chops stared back at me, daring me to eat it. Everyone was gone from the table except me, the princess plate, the pork chops soaked in tomato soup and the hopeful and willing rescuer the dog, named Brandy. My booster seat was pushed close to the table, with me in it. I felt the world caving in as I watched my brother playing outside in the warm Georgia evening weather.

Chad was tossing a tennis ball against the brick exterior and then catching it. Every once and awhile there was a loud BING ringing against the glass window. "SORRY MOM! I MISSED THE WALL!" He yelled through the window followed by his goofy smile showing his missing six year old front teeth.

"Mom, can I go outside and play with Chad?"

"When you finish your supper."

"But Mom, I'm FULLLLL" I emphasized full in my whine, hoping to win her over.

"You hardly ate anything. Finish your meat."

Finish my meat? Is she crazy? Does she know this is torture and how horrible it tastes? "But Mom," I continued to whine. "The meat is too rough!" I used to say the meat was too rough when it took forever to chew or it was overcooked.

"Jenna, the meat isn't too rough," Mom argued.

Then it dawned on me like a ton of bricks, Brandy was patiently waiting, for any drops of food. As quietly as possible I picked up a piece of the tomato soaked meat and hung it over the table. Brandy, a medium sized mutt, attacked it as a piranha would attack fresh meat, I almost lost a finger. Glancing in Mom's direction she had no clue, the plan had worked and Mom was oblivious. One piece was down and several more to go. I reached again for the next victim while Brandy was anticipating her next treat, ready to go and on her feet.

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!"

How did she know? She wasn't even in the same room as me! I put the meat on the table and then casually flung it off with my hand, the dog leapt for it.

"JENNIFER MARIE!"

She used my middle name! I'm really in trouble now! Where is she? How does she know these things? "But Mom, I dropped it!" I tried to emphasize the word drop.

"Don't 'but Mom' me, eat your dinner!"

I put a piece of the rough white tomato meat in my mouth and began to chew. Again that four year old brain of mine was on fire. After chewing and chewing, I would spit the meat into the paper napkin Mom placed at each of our settings. It was a great plan except the napkin was tearing and it would be noticeable. There had to be another plan fishing around my head somewhere. I shoved the last couple of pieces in my mouth.

"Mom, I'm done! See?" I showed her my plate, napkin crumpled on top and my mouth full of meat.

"See that wasn't so bad was it?"

"Nope," I tried to choke out as much of the word as my chipmunk cheeks would allow.

"Go throw the napkin away and you can go outside with Chad."

I pushed myself away from the cryptic chair of torture, the dog close at my heels and headed toward the trash to throw away the contents of my napkin and mouth.

"And don't even think of spitting the meat out."

She knows! I threw out the napkin, walked passed my mom showing her the contents of my mouth and headed for the bathroom. With the exception of a small amount I spit the other white meat in the toilet and flushed away my dinner. Walking passed my mother again I showed her the remains in my mouth again and headed outside, Brandy still on my heels waiting for her final reward.

New Arrivals and Decisions

2009-02-05T12:13:00.001-08:00

Last Friday I had taken a home pregnancy test and it turns out....baby number two is on his or her way, due September 28th. I'm only six weeks so far but am doing fantastic. This time, as of right now, there is no morning sickness. The only time I feel ill is when I first get up in the morning or when I'm hungry. Other then that it's awesome.

Now here's where it gets tricky. I cannot commission because I'm pregnant again, go figure. So I'm thinking of disenrolling in ROTC all together. At that point I'm going to to go back to my unit, from there we'll decide whether or not to stay enlisted, drop a direct commission packet, or get out of the military all together. So pretty much I have some choices ahead of me, but I'm sure Chris and I will definitely make the right one together that will benefit our family. As of right now we know getting out of ROTC is the right choice.

Chris is officially a Junior this semester and is feeling a little of that pressure. He's doing well taking Spanish (which is coming to him very easily), pre-calculus (which is just the beginning he also has to take calculus and advanced calculus, I feel sorry for him), a history class (Western Civilization), Discrete Math and a computer programming class. He's enjoying them all but is flooded with reading and everything that goes with it.

As for Baby Bradley, he's doing VERY well. He loves to laugh and smile and last week just by saying the words "macaroni and cheese" he would laugh uncontrollably, which in turn made us laugh like crazy. He definitely can hold his head up and is rolling over from back to belly, in fact now if we put him on his back in the crib, he just rolls over to his belly and falls asleep that way. He's going to be a great big brother. Mommy is just feeling a little guilty he didn't get more one on one time with her and Daddy.

While taking Bradley upstairs for his afternoon nap today, he laid his head down on my shoulder and I could feel his baby breath on my neck and it made me realize how lucky we are and how much I love that little boy. He really is a special child and we love him to death, even though he cries a lot now because he's teething. I also realized, as my best friend is currently at the hospital with her son (born a week later then Bradley), we truly are lucky and blessed. Renae's son is currently having a tube put down his nose and throat and into his stomach. He's going to be hooked up to a machine to determine why he has such a hard time digesting anything at all. We are very fortunate and the Eddy family definitely will have a long road ahead of them.

The Year Past

2009-01-20T13:41:00.000-08:00

Pretty much this is what happened last year....

January - Jen found out she was pregnant. Chris asked if we could get a puppy first.

February - Jen got a valentine's balloon from Chris and earrings

March - In like a lion out like a lamb....don't remember much else

April - We were definitely looking at houses to buy, bought a puppy, named him Leo

May - Jen graduated college with her Bachelor's degree

June - Jen and Chris bought a house

July - Probably had a baby shower or two

August - Jen's unit deployed to Iraq, Jen no longer had orders for the military. Baby Bradley was born on the 20th.

September - Chris and Jen had visitors from California.

October - Jen's birth month. She tried to celebrate all month.

November - Baby's first Thanksgiving. We went to my mom and dad's house, took Leo and Phil with us.

December - Baby's first Christmas. Had Uncle Brad and Grandma Debbie Campos over for visits. Went to mom and dad's house.

That's the definite quick update. Any questions?