Friday, October 16, 2009
This is my second year attending MOPS (Mother's of Preschoolers). Last years theme was "Adventures in Mothering" and the picture that accompanied the theme was a roller coaster. The theme this year is, "Planet Mom."
At the beginning of this month, MOPS showed a video and it talked about the difference, or changes that occurred from being who you were to who you are now as a mom. The woman in the video discussed who she was before kids and then all of a sudden she was a mom and her needs definitely did not come first. We heard how she struggled finding her identity. Would she ever be the woman she was just months prior or would she be on this foreign planet forever. She discussed how she felt and how she wanted to put her child first and at the same time wished she remembered who that woman was and she truly missed her.
As new mothers I think we all fall into that category. In our discussion groups afterward we discussed if we missed who we were before we were moms. I definitely agreed with one mom and felt like I still wasn't sure if I truly ever figured out or was comfortable with who I was. I know who I am now and I do miss what it was like in some senses of who I was, even though I'm not 100% sure who she really was. Before having a baby it was much easier just to pick up and go, fly to California, pack for just the two of us, have constant company over, but now it's different. It's rare if I stay up past 11, and even at that time I'm exhausted. I do miss the spontenaety between me and my husband, I miss a lot of those years. The definite pre-pregnancy body that I now long for.
At the same time as all the missing, I couldn't imagine life without my son. He brightens my day. I love watching him discover new things, listening to him play and his little imagination go wild. I love that I stay home with him and watch him grow, develop, try and learn new words, meet new milestones, etc. So this year I am learning how to grow as a mom and keep that little piece of me from before in there. I'm not really sure what it will be yet, maybe striving harder to do my hair in the morning, work out more, put on make up everyday, maybe all of it, but regardless it's finding that medium between being a mom and being you. Never lose sight of who you are and know the Lord is always there if you need help and guidance, all you have to do is ask. He will guide you, love you, listen to your frustrations and He will show you how much he cares, for me it often shows up from the heart of my little boy unexpectedly.