Miscarriage #1

My first miscarriage happened in 2009.  My son was just about seven months old.  He and this baby were going to be 13 months apart.  Man this was going to be tough.  I had been worried this one would end in miscarriage for quite some time, but seeing how I was at the end of my first trimester, I felt safe and that maybe I was worrying too much.

My husband had gone out the night before drinking with his buddies and I wasn't pleased.  When he mentioned several people would be coming over for a get together on Saturday night, I wasn't the happiest pregnant woman around.  He said he wouldn't drink too much because he drank a lot the night before.

That night in March several people started to fill our first home.  I was cordial and beginning to have a good time.  I was playing poker with my husband's best friends mom and her daughter and a few others.  I excused myself to use the rest room and out of habit wiped and noticed a smear of bright red blood.  I panicked so I wiped again.  More blood.  I flushed the toilet and ran out, asking for my husband.

I told Chris what was going on and he was already a few drinks into the night.  He thought I was being dramatic and seemed annoyed in my opinion.  He began googling in the office and I called the doctor right away.  Within minutes the on call doctor phoned me back and they said I needed to go to the ER.  I was terrified.

I now had a house full of people and needed to go to the Emergency Room.  Fortunately there would be a babysitter for my baby.  I left her with Bradley and just so people wouldn't wonder what was going on, I made the following announcement, "I don't mean to be rude or anything but Chris and I are leaving, the doctor's think I may be miscarrying."

I was freaking out because I couldn't find my purse.  Someone found it for me and since my husband had already had a few drinks I drove us the 45 minutes to the hospital.  Once I was there I immediately was told to pee in a cup.  I was terrified to do so because I was afraid I'd see blood again but there wasn't any.  One of the nurses took several viles of blood afterward and then we waited.  I wasn't even in a room yet, just sitting there in the waiting room.  I was furious at my husband for drinking that night.

Shortly after waiting I was in a room for a short amount of time when I began receiving an IV of saline solution.  I was then taken to another floor, wheeled on the bed, to receive an ultra sound.  The technician was very specific that I was NOT to ask her any questions because she was not allowed to answer them then she proceeded to do a trans-vaginal ultra sound.  I saw the baby and did ask if she could even tell if it was a boy or girl yet, thinking that was ok to ask but she responded with, "I can't answer any questions."  I think I asked another question afterward and she gave the same response.  I looked at the monitor and saw the baby sitting there motionless.  There was no movement, no flicker of a heartbeat.  I knew then.

The technician left and I asked my husband what he thought.  His response was he thought the baby was sleeping, but I already knew, even though it wasn't confirmed yet.

Awhile later, back in my room, a doctor came in.  He didn't speak well english.  He told me something and I couldn't understand.  He then said it more clearly, "The baby's heart stopped.  It's not beating anymore."  I began to cry and then felt I had to be strong for my husband.  I looked over at him and I saw something I don't think I will ever forget.  He had puddles on his long eyelashes.

The doctor suggested surgery to remove the baby, but I said I just wanted to go home.  He tried again and I refused saying your body handles this naturally.  We drove home in silence that night.  When we arrived back at the house I went to the nursery and pulled our son out of his crib.  He slept between us that night.  Other rooms in our house were occupied with the babysitter and others who decided to stay.

The next morning I still wasn't bleeding or cramping.  I refused to go downstairs until everyone was gone.  A dear friend of mine, Rachael, came over with her husband.  I went down to visit with her.  She was my rock and the only one I cared about seeing.

On Monday I had to call my doctor's office and let them know what was going on.  They again asked me to come in for a D/C.  I said no again referring back to your body handling it naturally.  They gave me a time limit.  I had until Thursday or I would have to go in.  I agreed.  I had also "started" my second trimester.

It took a few day but I believe it was a Wednesday when I started to feel the cramping.  At first it started out as cramping like a period.  Then it intensified.  I took a Pamprin for pain.  They said I could take Tylenol or IBProffin or something, but I don't remember what.  The medicine did nothing for the pain that kept intensifying.  I went to the bathroom and there was blood, lots of it.  The pain was still intense.  I'd lay down in bed.  My husband came upstairs with our son to help.  Our boy didn't understand and was laughing.  I told my husband to put him in his crib.

I went to the bathroom again, more blood and lots of it.  My husband called the doctor's office.  They gave him a nurse to talk to.  The pain kept growing more and more intense and closer together, much like when I was in labor with my son.  I remember my husband saying the following, "I don't need a nurse I need to talk to a doctor NOW!  My wife is having a miscarriage."

I felt a pop and knew it was my water breaking.  It wouldn't be long now.  Then I felt the baby come out and maybe other things, I'm not sure.  The pain was gone now.  I wiped and laid down in bed.  My husband was still on the phone with the doctor's office.  They told him he needed to look through the toilet and bring the baby in when I came in later that day.

Going to my doctor's office my son was sitting in his carseat, my husband was driving and sitting between my husband and I was the only thing my husband could find for our baby to go to the hospital in....an empty enfamil can.

At the office they gave me a pelvic exam and looked through the can.  The doctor asked if I was dizzy or anything and I said yes.  She sent me to the ER fearing I lost too much blood.  Turns out I didn't and I was in the ER for hours just waiting to be seen because they misplaced my chart.  Everything at that point was done.  I had visits every week afterward making sure my HCG levels went back to zero.  I was depressed for some time afterward and would cry often.  We took a break from pregnancy for a little while and about a year after the miscarriage found out I was pregnant with our sweet Rainbow Baby, Amelia.

I do believe that baby was not ready to come at that time.  The experience made me grateful for what I have and gave me an opportunity to help others and have an understanding of it all.  It was hard but I don't believe Heavenly Father would give us anything we couldn't handle.