Back to Reality

Yesterday I was very blessed to have a little taste of a girls night out. I haven't had one in a very long time. Chris was having a guys weekend so I decided to invited a couple of my friends over. We decided to go out to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner at five. Chris said he would watch Bradley while I spent time with the girls. It was SO much fun. It was nice to sit and talk with no interruptions and have good girl gossip. I kept teasing them I had to live vicariously through them because I don't do anything anymore and I wanted to be more spontaneous like the old days (which is how I eloped then sent an email to my family that I got married).

Once dinner was done and the check was paid, I wanted to just sit in the restaurant and honestly didn't have the desire to go back home yet. Although I loved the hour long dinner with friends and a break from the baby I loved the company even more. I miss being my old self at times. I would never change my life with my family but I miss the carefree life. Now everything has to be planned from waking up in the morning to meals, church, activities and through bedtime.

I was telling the girls how I wanted to be spontaneous and one of them offered me an all expense paid trip to Orlando in about two weeks from now. In fact I would get paid while I was there. I jumped at the chance, but now that I have time to think about it I couldn't leave Bradley. I have never left him for more then a few hours. I don't think I would handle that well at all. We'll see if I follow through with it. I doubt it, it's kind of scary being spontaneous as a wife and mother.

Lonely. That's what my life has come down to. I have my family but my friends in Oswego have all left (seeing how it's a college town). My other friends still in Oswego are in college and into partying and living the college life. I'm not into that. My nearest friend with kids lives in Auburn. I have no friends from church, although a couple acquaintances. I go to MOPS and have a few acquaintances there and every once in awhile we will do a play date. I miss having friends and having company with my same interests over. I remember years ago my cousin, who is also a stay at home mom, told me she didn't have any friends because she was always home with her then toddlers. When we move we will live minutes from that cousin, whose kids are now in school. She is almost like my pillar of light and I know once Bradley is old enough to get involved in more things I will have friends once again.

Toddler Time

So I've realized, I'm getting bored with the same old activities everyday with Bradley. I have been doing a little research and some things I remember from things I've read before kids (when I was a nanny) and beyond that. Hopefully they will give you ideas too. Bradley is only 18 months, but please share any story, idea or recommendation with me. These by the way are things I have not tried, but sound like a good idea.

1. Make a "parade" with stuffed animals, etc.

2. Act out a story from our favorite book

3. Have a picnic together (even in the living room)

4. Make a pillow pile to jump on

5. Make a super hero costume out of random things from the house

6. Plant a flower or vegetable together

7. Play dress up in mommy and daddy's clothes

8. Play red light green light

9. Toddler bowling with plastic bottles and a ball

10. Play tug of war with a blanket

11. Roll a tennis ball into an empty trash can or bin

12. Sketch your child with sidewalk chalk or on paper

13. Toss bean bags into a bucket

I was hoping to have a better number but as I was going through lists on different websites, I realize we've done many of them already.

The Pregnancy Kicker

It's been seven months and Chris and I are still trying to conceive. I never imagined it would have been so hard to do. Since the miscarriage, almost a year ago, we have had our ups and downs. It is so frustrating. Every month when I am reminded of the child we didn't have it is sad and hard to go through.

Recently just about everyone around us is getting pregnant, either quickly or by chance. I am very happy for those people but am waiting for my turn. My husband has even noticed this.

The same things that people say over and over is getting old and tiresome. I always hear the, "It'll happen," "Don't think about it and it'll happen," "In the Lord's time," "Be patient" and so on. Although I love the support it's now come to the point that it's frustrating. I really am grateful but a couple days ago I found out another acquaintance was pregnant and a week before that someone else too. So when will it happen???

I'm flustered, angry and lately thinking about that baby we lost. I am grateful I don't have two children thirteen months apart but now the gap is getting larger and larger. I want to feel the baby kick in my belly and my belly to grow round. I loved being pregnant both times. The patience of that happening is harder then I thought, it is literally emotionally draining.

Potty Training

Potty training probably takes more patience then I'm willing to admit. Bradley is definitely ready. He lets us know when he's gone poo poo and he even took his toilet seat today and put it on the toilet himself. I do have to admit that I haven't been as diligent with him on this as I should have been. When we are potty training I know I need to pay 100% of my attention to him, which is hard for me to do, there's always something else going on...dishes, laundry, picking up, etc.

Bradley was sick about a month ago with a flu that included diarrhea and we decided to hold off since then. Now that I'm feeling more ambitious this is what we are doing again. Every night after dinner we put on the underwear until he goes to the bathroom, weather in the toilet or in his pants. It's been about half and half with him, unless we are out of our element, like in Lake Placid, etc.

When Bradley does wet his pants, we have him help clean it up. We tell him it was an accident but he is not allowed to pee his pants, but sometimes accidents happen. So far this has been working well for us and I'm hoping this year he actually is trained. Let's keep our fingers crossed. Until then..

...this is what we ended up with today, right before we decided to try the potty. He really is a little comedian....

We love you Bradley and these will be great blackmail photos when you are a teenager!

The Love for My Little Man!

I absolutely ADORE my little boy. He is almost 18 months now and is SOOOOO much fun. He keeps me in check and I do the same. Bradley loves learning and he loves music and singing. These are definitely a few of my favorite things about Bradley....

1. Every morning I get a very long morning hug

2. When he sleeps in his big boy bed he comes running to our room in the morning to wake us up and greet us with a big smile.

3. Bradley loves Ring Around the Rosie's ....a song I loved as a kid as well.

4. Whenever Bradley feels hurt or sad or sick he comes running to mommy to hold him.

5. Bradley loves helping in the kitchen with cooking, putting dishes away, doing dishes (even the ones that don't go in the dishwasher), emptying trash (he grabs shopping bags after we empty the trash and sticks one in the garbage, thinking he's helping.

6. Loves playing games like peek a boo, hide and seek. He will play by himself or with others. He LOVES people, kids, adults and all animals.

7. Loves coloring and learning. He's all about how things work and is intrigued by anything and everything.

8. He's very smart. If you take a spoon away, he'll reach for the fork (and then eat a ton of brownie batter when you aren't looking).

9. He loves stories. Sometimes he takes his favorite book (Where the Wild Things Are) and reads it to himself, while sitting on his little couch. My favorite is the is reading it upside down.

10. Most of all he is always smiling.

There is so much to love in that little boy I don't know what I'd do without him. I am very lucky to have a child like him. I love watching him grow, play, discover new things but most of all I love that I'm his mommy.

Ovulation Test

Today while doing my daily routine and then grocery shopping, I had to stop at WalMart to pick up diapers, wipes and some cleaning supplies. I decided to head over to the "feminine needs" section and pick up an ovulation test, hoping this will help in our endeavors to conceive. We've been following an ovulation calculator online and trying to figure out when the best time to conceive is. We will be trying in the next few days, or so we thought. When I got home, I took the test and turns out I'm going to ovulate within the next 24-36 hours. My LH (Luteinizing Hormone) level is up now so we are moving our baby making a couple days earlier. Turns out if we had waited as planned we certainly would have missed the ovulation date and would once again have missed a pregnancy. This by no means makes me think it will be a for sure thing this month, but at least we know we didn't miss that small window of opportunity. Also, since the first test came back that yes I will be ovulating soon, I don't need to take another one until next month (the package came with seven tests), so I'm saving another $12. If by chance we don't get pregnant this month, we are looking into fertility treatment - not so say we will or won't go through with that, but it's an option. In the meantime, I'm learning a lot about fertility.

Trying to Conceive

It's very frustrating but since August, Chris and I have been trying to conceive. We know it will happen in the Lord's time but regardless, it feels like it's taking forever. This process has been good for us though. I have learned a lot about my husband, myself, our son and the stresses of conceiving. The hardest thing I have found is I was able to get pregnant with Bradley while on birth control. I got pregnant really fast with the child I miscarried and for whatever reason this one is coming when it's appropriate. I am learning patience and it's all whenever the timing is right. So we wait and keep on trying, what else can we do?

February Resolution Update

1. Have my house picked up by bedtime - some days are better then others. Chris just got a job so we've been out a lot looking for apartments and our house is getting lost in the mix. It's up for sale (not officially yet) so this one will definitely have to be implemented more.

2. Lose 15 pounds - I had lost around five pounds, then another three from a stomach bug....but I think I gained it all back.

3. Eat a healthier diet - I was doing great with this for about two weeks. Once that stomach bug hit, and I got better, I wanted to eat everything in sight and think I did.

4. Be more consistent at writing (blogging, writing on my own time) - I am definitely slacking on this.

5. Finish the second children’s story - Haven't even looked at it again....

6. Work on getting the first children’s story published - haven't looked at this one either.

7. Spend about two hours a week working out (trust me it’s better then what I’m doing now) - I'm lucky if I even do a fifteen minute workout in a week.

8. Keep an active journal - I have about three entries for January (although I did get it in mid January....). It is better then what I had before.

9. Be consistent at Family Home Evening - we are doing much better at this.

10. Complete the first five chapters of my non-fiction book - Haven't started it.

11. Make my bed everyday (or most days….right now it’s rare) - I'm doing much better at this. Almost every day.

12. Build up food storage - It's building slowly.

13. Allow my husband to make more of his own decisions where he will face the consequences himself, but hope he will recognize many or most of the decisions he makes will have a direct impact on our family (meaning me and Bradley and himself of course) - this is going well....nothing too exciting going on here.

14. Potty Train Bradley - this has been on hold since Bradley had the flu.

15. Write an article for the Church - I have a little inspiration floating around.... :)

Well I definitely have a lot of work to do. But it's going to be a slow process, especially since we are moving and our house is up for sale. :)